Parodies
The Editing Room: Very Bad Things
Submitted by Infomaniac on Sat, 02/23/2002 - 04:59VERY BAD THINGS: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPT
By Collin Samatas
FADE IN:
INT. LOCAL INSANE ASYLUM - NIGHT
MAD SCRIPTWRITER X is sitting at his typewriter. He is
completely stark-raving bonkers.
MAD SCRIPTWRITER X
Hahaha. I am a kook. Seeing as how
Hollywood will turn just about
anything into a movie these days, I
will write a script that is just as
crazy as me. I will make each
character completely, 100%
dislikeable.
The Editing Room: U-571
Submitted by Infomaniac on Sat, 02/23/2002 - 04:58U-571: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPT
By Alexander Wiebe
FADE IN:
EXT. THE OCEAN
A GERMAN SUB is ruthlessly bombed by Allied fleets.
AUDIENCE
Gee, those Germans are regular people
too. I feel sorry for these guys.
DIRECTOR JONATHAN MOSTOW
Oops.
The GERMANS MASSACRE a raft full of unarmed survivors.
AUDIENCE
What was I thinking? Fucking Germans!
The Editing Room: Talented Mr. Ripley
Submitted by Infomaniac on Sat, 02/23/2002 - 02:47THE TALENTED MR. RIPLEY: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPT
By Rod Hilton
FADE IN:
EXT. EUROPE
MATT DAMON meets up with JUDE LAW.
JUDE LAW
Hello. I am kind of a snob and shit
like that. Fall in love with me and
then take over my life in a way
similar to that of Gattaca.
MATT DAMON
Good idea. I am menacing. Really.
The Editing Room: Starship Troopers
Submitted by Infomaniac on Sat, 02/23/2002 - 02:46STARSHIP TROOPERS: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPT
By Peter W. Horton III
FADE IN:
INT. CLASSROOM - DAY
MICHAEL IRONSIDE teaches a class of FUTURISTIC STUDENTS
in their FUTURISTIC CLASSROOM with FUTURISTIC DESKS.
MICHAEL IRONSIDE
I am your hard-ass teacher. I lost my
arm in one of the many wars of our
fascist society, and because of that I
am now eligible to vote. Now, tell me
the difference between a Citizen and a
Civilian!
CASPER VAN DIEN
Sorry.
The Editing Room: Speed 2
Submitted by Infomaniac on Sat, 02/23/2002 - 02:45SPEED 2: CRUISE CONTROL: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPT
By Marko M.
FADE IN:
EXT. A ROAD NEAR THE BEACH
JASON PATRIC is chasing a truck on his motorcycle.
JASON PATRIC
Look just how cool and tough I am. And
better looking than Keanu Reeves.
AUDIENCE
And you're a better actor too.
JAN DE BONT
This sequence is so good!
The Editing Room: The Sixth Sense
Submitted by Infomaniac on Sat, 02/23/2002 - 02:45THE SIXTH SENSE: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPT
By Rod Hilton
**NOTE: This script, as almost all scripts on my
site, has some spoilers. don't read it if you
haven't seen the movie. now stop bugging me about
giving it away. it's your fault now when you read
that bruce willis is actually the boys father.**
FADE IN:
INT. AUDIENCE'S HOME
The AUDIENCE is reading reviews of the film.
FILM CRITIC
There is a SURPRISE ending in this
film!
INT. BRUCE WILLIS' HOME
BRUCE is shot by a man with a GUN.
INT.
The Editing Room: Payback
Submitted by Infomaniac on Sat, 02/23/2002 - 02:43PAYBACK: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPT
By Jenelle Lynn Riley
FADE IN:
INT. OPENING SCENE
MEL GIBSON lays on a table, blood oozing from every
orifice on his body. A grungy backroom doctor fishes
bullets out of his back with tweezers and moustache
scissors.
MALE AUDIENCE MEMBERS
Yeah, cool!
The Editing Room: Pearl Harbor
Submitted by Infomaniac on Sat, 02/23/2002 - 02:42PEARL HARBOR: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPT
By Rod Hilton
INT. FILM STUDIO
DIRECTOR MICHAEL BAY and PRODUCER JERRY BRUCKHEIMER are
collaborating on their latest effort, "The Explosion",
and begin talking.
DIRECTOR MICHAEL BAY
Hey Jerry, you know how I like blowing
stuff up? Well I was thinking, we should
make a really patriotic movie like
Armageddon, but at Pearl Harbor.
The Editing Room: Mystery Men
Submitted by Infomaniac on Sat, 02/23/2002 - 02:41MYSTERY MEN: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPT
By Rod Hilton
FADE IN:
INT. OLD FOLKS HOME
BEN STILLER, HANK AZARIA, and WILLIAM H. MACY busy
themselves by being beaten up. Suddenly, CAPTAIN KINNEAR
shows up!
CAPTAIN KINNEAR
Ha ha! You will notice I have many
powers, including having an acting
career after Talk Soup!
CAPTAIN KINNEAR saves the day while showing off all of
his endorsement stickers.
AUDIENCE
Ha ha ha! Look at those stickers! It
is funny how commercialized he is!
The Editing Room: Memento
Submitted by Infomaniac on Sat, 02/23/2002 - 02:40MEMENTO: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPT
By Rod Hilton
FADE IN:
INT. ABANDONED OLD HOUSE
GUY PEARCE shoots CYPHER in the face.
The entire movie is then shown backwards, which is
CLEVER and CREATIVE, and not GIMMICKY at all.
INT. GUY PEARCE'S PLACE - MOMENTS EARLIER
GUY PEARCE
I have tatoos telling me things like
"John G. raped and murdered your wife."
My favorite one says "FIND HIM AND KILL
HIM" across my torso, which is not upside
down so I can read it nor is it backwards
so I can read it in a mirror.
