Q:"What school do you go to?" A:"..."

One of those funny thoughts that crossed my mind over winter break this past year was the emphasis people put on ‘brand name’ colleges. I was reminded of this by another article I wrote, in which I poorly argued against people wearing clothing that is not from their college for the reasons of looking smart, getting attention, etc. The issue at hand this time is the awkward exchange that ensues after meeting old friends and acquaintances you have not dealt with in several years, and the vague exchange of facts about both of your lives immediately following “So, how are you doing?”

The college application process was not one I enjoyed, and to be honest there were times when I thought it would be a grand feeling to respond to such questions with “Harvard” and watch in silent, stoic-faced glee as they acted impressed and made other comments. I realize, in retrospect, this was a terrible, selfish way of thinking, and I regret ever having such thoughts. I looked a lot of colleges, read a lot of forums, and in the end I did not apply to Harvard, and thus did not give myself the opportunity to act like an ass in front of other people. Despite not having the proclaimed ‘H Bomb’ to drop on people, I did get into a school that is known in some circles, which caused me to go through what I began calling the 7 stages of college the acceptance, a blasé and corny set of ideas I will not detail any further in this article.

The first week after my acceptance, I was shocked, happy, and proud. I responded like a little kid would, and ordered a bit of merchandise from my college, which I began wearing as soon as it arrived. The merchandise went beyond just a hoodie and t-shirt, including one of those static cling car stickers and wall hanging…I won’t try to defend myself, because I did go overboard. I wore a piece of college merchandise almost every day that remained of school (only about 2 weeks), and gleefully told anyone who asked where I was intending to go. The responses to the name of my school varied, though most were enthusiastic and proud, since the only people I had a lot of contact with were my friends and my teachers. I was happy, they were happy, and I looked forward to this mutual happiness in all my future exchanges.

The first time I felt reluctance to mention where I was going was with one of my older and better friends who did not attend my same school. My friend was a very nice guy, and honestly more intelligent than I. He had applied to a range of top-tier schools, from Harvard to Stanford to Pomona, and started early April with a barrage of thin envelopes. The only school he could attend was the local state university, and was a bit bitter about it, though refused to admit it. I kept my school from him for a month or so, until he finally found out from a third-party…he responded by hugging me, but I could tell there was something a little strange about our relationship since that time. I can possibly blame the change on myself, and the delay and avoidance of telling him the truth, but I know it was more than that. Several times before he found out where I was going, he would rant about how worthless private colleges are, and held resentment for those who had opted to attend such institutions.

The summer slowly morphed my feelings about my given college, and by mid-July I would not longer wear my sweatshirt that openly proclaimed my collegiate allegiance. I got tired of the awkward stares, and the assumptions people made about someone who was attending my school. I’m sure the stares and strange remarks were, at least in part, due to my own imagination, but in a town where there is only one other individual attending your school, its hard not to feel a little out of place. Almost everyone I knew was going to be attending a school in my state or a neighboring one, and making it known I was an outsider by wearing it across my chest did not help ease he feelings of an individual who has somewhat low self-esteem.

I ran into various people I had known from early years, and when we exchanged where we were going, I noticed the tone of the conversation changed almost immediately once I mentioned my school. Some of them would just ask me as many questions as possible about my school, and refused to talk about their own aspirations and lives. Others would look a little embarrassed, clam up, and try to get away. The worst was when I encountered parents. A former scout master of mine, upon being asked how his son was doing, stated in a rather cold voice, “Well, Jacob isn’t going to (emphasis on my school’s name), but he’s looking forward to attending UNM.” The next day I encountered the mother of one of my old friends in a grocery. We had a casual conversation, and after several minutes the subject of her daughter. Always having been supportive of her daughter, I listened and threw out compliments at appropriate times, earnestly happy her daughter was doing well, and enjoying seeing her swell with pride in response to my compliments. It as great her daughter was in the honors program at the local university, it was nice she had won an equestrian ribbon, it was all good news to me. Finally, she asked where I was going to school, and for the first time there was a strange debate in my head. She was so proud of her daughter, and I didn’t want to appear to be showing anyone up, or bragging, or to puncture any of the feelings she had been building on for the last quarter hour. I responded by simply saying “Out East”, which seemed to satisfy her, and we soon departed in an amicable fashion.

I soon worked out the basic equation that when I stated where I was going, people would often times respond in funny ways, yet when I was vague and just mentioned a larger area, I didn’t have to deal with any pre-conceived notions or repressed emotions. I started the habit of simply referring to wild frontier of New England, moving to the state of Connecticut if details were requested and it worked. I realized more and more that mentioning my school looked to some people as bragging, which was one of the last things I wanted to do. It soon became a habit that I carry to me with this day, and after reading various articles in university papers (not my own) and talking to my fellow-students, I realize I’m not alone in this reluctance. Many kids do not speak of their college, out of fear of social retribution and simply looking like an arse. I find myself diverting the subject with anecdotes or vague descriptions on a daily basis, and at times I wonder why his must be.

The stigma of attending a certain college over another, when I look at it from a new perspective, is one of the sillier things I’ve had to deal with in my life. I don’t see why certain assumptions must be made, and why I must be subtle and avoid mentioning my college, when I know the same necessity would not exist if I attended a local college. People are too willing to judge someone based off where they are receiving their education, when it is openly deplorable in modern society to make such judgments based off of race or origin. College is just four years of someone’s life, some new knowledge, and fancy sheet of paper with a name on it. It is true certain colleges mold people in ways different than others, but everyone is still their own person, and just because you go to a slightly older school than someone else doesn’t mean you think you’re better than they are. I almost carry a resentment around with me about not being able to express loyalty or pride in my university in a socially acceptable way. I understand I should ignore what others think, live my own life, and value what I value, but that cannot be accomplished without sacrificing the friends and humility I hold so dearly. A retort might be that if people can’t be fair and judge a man off his merits, not where his college, than those people aren’t worth knowing…but honestly, that just isn’t logical in my life, and the world I know. I understand that was a lot of writing for a rather short conclusion, but the circumstances are what have defined the problem for me.

I don’t consider it a big or relevant problems, but is merely one of the few issues I don’t feel hypocritical of preachy writing about.