LiveBlogging/Articling the Academy Awards

8:31 - Jon Stewart is tiny. Like, very small. That strange Star Trek stage dwarfs him. I wonder if Stewart is seen as some sort of ambassador between the world or writers and "the talent".

8:32 - The Vanity Fair joke is funny, but I hope this isn't ALL about the strike. As if the Oscars could get any more masturbatory.

8:33 - Jon Stewart shuts my mouth by making fun of everyone enough to lighten the mood. The teen pregnancy as comic relief joke is pretty good.

8:35 - the little girl from Atonement appears to be wearing a tiny version of Keira's dress from the movie...I'm also noticing that there is an uncomfortable environment after the Norbit joke. A lot of people in that audience made that movie, Jon.

8:37 - Ladies and Gentlemen, Dennis Hopper is high as a kite.

8:38 - "Stay the Course" jokes can only be funny when directed at Hollywood these days.

8:39 - "Black President in Disaster Movies" jokes are always funny, however.

8:41 - Jennifer Garner jooks better than I've ever seen her.

8:42 - ELIZABETH????? The fuck? I guess they went with bombast over sympathy (Ma vie en rose's designer died shortly after working on the film), PURPOSEFUL theatricality (Across the Universe and Sweeney) and even instantly iconic style (Atonement's green dress again). Lame. Also...Barbra Streisand ages strangely.

8:47 - One of my viewing partners just said "I love montages"...weird. This one I don't mind mostly becuz Jennifer Hudson called Chris Rock a bitch. Priceless.

8:49 - "and any other life I might have had..." GENIUS.

8:50 - Russell Crowe looked TERRIBLE when he won for Gladiator. That hair? That tie...thing?

8:51 - Steve Carrell totally burns Jon Stewart...but the "sh*t" is troublesome. Was he saying shut?

8:53 - I was predicting Persepolis for the upset, but that was a long shot. Ratatouille is a fantastic film though, so I'm content. Brad Bird truly loves his craft, doesn't he? I forgot to mention it, but the Elizabeth costume designer's speech was blissfully brief but still sincere.

8:56 - Ma Vie en Rose thankfully sneaks by Norbit for the win. That french dude is a creepster. I never said this would be mature, people.

9:00 - Amy Adams is pregnant? Or am I just accidentally being a bitch? She is absolutely lovely, I love her, and she sang quite well. I'm totally more pumped for Kristen Chenowith's performance later on though. Yeah. I'm alright with my masculinity, are you?

9:06 - I love Dwayne Johnson. He's our most underrated action hero. There, I said it. Oh, and Transformers has this sewn up.

9:08 - Shit. I can't believe I typed that. I can't believe that Golden Compass won. Where did that come from? The little categories are killing me this year.

9:10 - Dante Ferretti provides me my first correct prediction. I knew they would give Sweeney love somewhere.

9:15 - Jennifer Hudson is nervous, that's sweet. Also, how happy did that Cuba Gooding Jr. clip make you?

9:19 - Javier Bardem wins, as everyone knew he would. I loved his spanish dedication, and I remain jealous he is dating Penelope Cruz.

9:21 - Jon Stewart agrees with me, evidently. The montage was pretty funny...the second one was a little less so.

9:24 - The August Rush song is off to a mixed start. Let's see where this goes. I can't imagine less cheese is in store though.

9:25 - This little girl can sing. Wow. Damn. Alright, this was actually kind of awesome. Get that girl on stage or something. Eleven years old.

9:28 - Owen Wilson is bizarrely serious. I wanted to predict the Pickpocket short, but I ended up following with someone I trust cuz I knew jack about this category.

9:31 - I really hate when they have animated presenters. That bee montage was the definition of unnecessary. Peter and the Wolf seemed cool, but the impressionist-looking and Ms. Tuti-Puti looked really, really, really cool.

9:34 - Supporting Actress...this is the big question mark. I'm leaning Amy Ryan, but I have a feeling it will be Tilda. Maybe Ruby or Cate too. Jeez. Bad scene choice for Tilda...really bad scene.

9:37 - YES! I'm so glad I was wrong on this count. Tilda was on a different level than the other nominees (minus Amy Ryan, whose performance I have not seen yet). She is just an avant garde human being. I love her.

9:45 - I like McAvoy's beard. I'm a fan of beards. He also sounded awesome saying "frankly my dear I don't give a damn" with his accent. No Country probably, but I could see TWBB or DBatB upsetting.

9:47 - The Coens first speech of the night. Hope it's good...they are standing very far apart.

9:51 - They kept all the time-wasting non-scripted stuff in the show. That sucks kinda. Jon Stewart once again voices my opinion immediately after I type it.

9:52 - Kristen! They better fix that sound right now.

9:53 - This song is bizarre. I suppose the Caribbean thing is a throwback to Sebastion, but it seems strange and out-of-place on stage. Either way, Kristen rules. The Caribbean guy is REALLY bothering me. I thought we'd moved past using random cultural stereotypes for no reason in animated films (and their live-action counterparts). Non-sequitor: I just realized that both acting winners so far played villians, and if DDL wins, that's 3/4 of the winners.

10:00 - The baby joke should have been funnier. The seventeen babysitters joke made up for it. Seth Rogan and Jonah Hill are both funny, but Jonah seems slicker, more comfortable.

10:02 - Wow, Tranformers may go home empty-handed if the whole sympathy for the Sound guy doesn't come through. Sympathy has not been in many people's corner tonight. But Bourne is probably a more deserving movie...I would have gone with Ratatouille.

10:04 - The second round of banter was much, much better. I hope Transformers takes this. Just for the whole having lost 19 times thing...and Bourne takes it again. I guess there's probably a sense of saying goodbye to a pretty stellar action series by acknowledging the people who really make these things work. That's nice.

10:07 - Damn. Best Actress already. Cotillard vs. Christie. But I'm gonna stop pretending I have any clue who's gonna win these things.

10:08 - I have always loved Forest Whitaker. Especially because he was in Battlefield Earth. Goes to show you that careers are truly never over.

10:10 - Jesus, Julie Christie's still got it. She looks so good tonight. Aged well that one did. Ellen Page's scene is a strange one.

10:12 - Yeah, Marion won. I kinda saw that coming. If it's a biopic performance, it wins. Her speech was adorable and very sweet though. I had a last minute urge to go with Tilda and Marion, but I thought that sentiment would have more to do with the winners this year. I guess that's not really a bad thing.

10:17 - Wii Sports is even fun to watch on TV hen nobody in the room is playing. Can we all agree that the 11 year old from the gospel number is too cute. Big star now, yes? Please?

10:19 - God, Once had better win Best Song after this. The three Enchanted songs are definitely the weakest out of the nominees.

10:21 - Jack seems younger than he has recently. He has the voice of a life I can only dream.

10:27 - Amadeus is so great. Maybe these montages do serve a purpose.

10:28 - I'm somewhat happy that Bourne is getting some love. Action franchises are rarely given the credit they deserve.

10:33 - I love that they gave the honorary Oscar to a production designer. The Oscars have always shafted the techies that shaped classic Hollywood. Shame Boyle didn't win for Fiddler or North by Northwest.

10:49 - ONCE! Fuck yeah! This is my favorite win of the night, no question. What an amazing movie, what a gorgeous song (and they tore it the fuck up tonight). Also: "Wow, that guy is so arrogant." Jon Stewart's best one-liner so far tonight. Unlikely to be topped. Perfect delivery and all. God

10:56 - Jon Stewart bringing Marketa out officially makes him my favorite Oscar Host of all time. I absolutely loved what she had to say about struggling artists. In many ways, this is probably the best moment of the show to connect to the strike. She really reminded us that the people being awarded tonight represent .0000001% of the working artistic community in America. Love her.

11:00 - I hate that Hilary gets to do the death montage intro. I can't believe that she is a two-time Oscar winner. Martin Scorcese only has one. Hitchcock never got one.

11:04 - Heath Ledger's death is still so fucking sad. I think we'll see his Brokeback performance becoming more and more canonized. Oh and Elswit totally deserved it, but I sort of feel like I need to see No Country again.

11:09 - Atonement's score was pretty awesome, and it wasn't gonna win anything else; so I have no problem with this beating the superior Michael Clayton and Ratatouille scores.

11:13 - I love this woman on the right who made Freeheld (another correct wild guess!). She's a total wreck, in an entertaining, loveable way.

11:15 - I need to see more documentaries. I assume No End's got this. Remember when the documentary categories purposefully ignored popular and well-known documentaries?

11:16 - Shit, Taxi to the Dark Side pulls off a real upset. Both Sicko and No End beaten? I guess the documentary voters are deep down still willfully contrarian.

11:20 - I'm doing TERRIBLY on my predictions. Worst I've ever done...dating to like 2000 or something. Sweeney Todd, Once, and Counterfeiters helped my average though.

11:22 - Harrison Ford seems to hate having to speak. His voice trembling kind of makes me sad. I hope that Juno doesn't win over Michael Clayton or Ratatouille, but I think it will. I should've seen The Savages.

11:24 - Diablo Cody wins, as expected. It would've actually been kind of embarrassing that they talked her up so much if she hadn't won. I hope Pixar wins one of these some day. They're turning into perennial bridesmaids in this category.

11:30 - Helen Mirren is sexy when using adjectives. All the Best Actor nominees (minus Johnny, sadly) seem deserving. But this is DDL's year.

11:34 - Daniel's speech is somewhat pretentious, but he pulls it off. He obviously is physically still somewhat in character. His father/son bit at the end was sweet.

11:48 - We knew the Coens had this, and No Country prob won by quite a large margin. I didn't sense an overflow of love for any other nominees except Juno, and Diablo's win takes care of that. Good, short show. Jon Stewart was fantastic. The winners were deserving. Good job.