The Editing Room: Fight Club

FIGHT CLUB: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPT

By Rod Hilton

FADE IN:

INT. DARK, GRITTY-LOOKING OFFICE

EDWARD NORTON is yet another protaganist that works in an
office. His face is not yet destroyed.

BOSS
I suck.

EDWARD NORTON
God I hate life. I can't sleep or eat
or fuck or anything.

EDWARD goes to some support groups.

INT. DARK, GRITTY-LOOKING SUPPORT GROUP

He meets MEAT LOAF.

EDWARD NORTON
Nice tits, Loaf.

MEAT LOAF
Dammit, this appearance was a mistake.
Now people are not going to take me
seriously as an actor or musician.
Er, wait..

HELENA BONHAM CARTER
I'm horny. And majorly fucked up in
the head.

EDWARD NORTON
We're perfect for each other.

INT. DARK, GRITTY-LOOKING ABANDONED HOUSE OF BRAD PITT

BRAD PITT
I hate being simply a consumer. I
feel like revolting against my role.

EDWARD NORTON
Let's smoke a shitload of pot.

KEVIN SPACEY
I just did that when I revolted
against my role. Pick something else.

BRAD PITT
Wait, I have an idea.

BRAD kicks EDWARD in the nuts.

EDWARD NORTON
THAT WAS FUCKING GREAT!

They beat the holy hell out of each other. Others join
in. The AUDIENCE is drenched with testosterone.

AUDIENCE
HELL YES! FUCKIN RIGHT! VIOLENCE!
BLOOD! GOD DAMN YES!!!

BRAD PITT starts FUCKING THE HELL out of HELENA!

AUDIENCE (cont'd)
GOD FUCKING HELL YEAH!!!
(tears apart clothes)
ROAAAAAAAAAAARRR!!!

DIRECTOR DAVID FINCHER
Wait wait, notice the subtle dark
satire. I'm cleverly showing that
consumerism and conformit--

AUDIENCE
SHUT UP!! ROARR!!
(rips Fincher in half)
WHERE ARE SOME FUCKING GUNS?! I WANNA
JOIN A FIGHT CLUB RIGHT FUCKING NOW!
WHERE DO I SIGN UP AND HOW MUCH DOES
IT COST?!

EDWARD NORTON
You people are totally missing the
point here.

BRAD PITT
And it's a damn good thing, too. You
think this movie had any shot at being
number one without featuring my abs
and massive amounts of violence?

EDWARD NORTON
Good point.

He smacks PITT in the face.

EDWARD NORTON (cont'd)
Time to Beat Joe Black...

HELENA BONHAM CARTER
Wait! It's been a while since a
female of any sort has had any screen
time. Here I am.

EDWARD NORTON
Oh, hey. I guess I could empty my cum
into you. Need to unload somewhere...

BRAD PITT
Lemme put my sex into her once yer
done.

FUCKING happens. HELENA, having performed her duty as
the sex trash-can, leaves. The fighting continues.

SUDDENLY, something happens which makes the AUDIENCE need
to rethink the entire film.

AUDIENCE
Wait a minute..shit, now I have to see
the movie a second time.

FINCHER'S UPPER BODY
Yes, yes, see it again. Spend, spend,
spend! Ha ha ha!

END