The Editing Room: From Dusk Til Dawn

FROM DUSK TILL DAWN: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPT

By Evan Mitchell

FADE IN:

EXT: - A shop beside a desolate Texan strip of badlands
close to the Mexican border

GEORGE CLOONEY
I am a cold blooded killer who is
openly sarcastic and demeaning, even
to my brother who is so crazy that he
needs constant care. I am a bastard.

FEMALE AUDIENCE
EEEeee! It's George Clooney!

They faint, leaving them to believe after they wake up
that the movie was about crime.

QUENTIN TARANTINO
I am also a cold blooded killer, but
because I am Quentin Tarantino in a
movie that I wrote, I must be
completely fucked up and unstable.
Also, I must die before the movie is
over, but not before I can rape and
kill innocent women for no reason.

INNOCENT FEMALE HOSTAGE
Shit.

QUENTIN TARANTINO
Even though we are incredibly wanted
men, I will kill this Overweight
Southern Sheriff stereotype character
and burn this store to the ground,
thus making the situation worse.

OVERWEIGHT COP STEREOTYPE
AND STORE OWNER
Shit.

QUENTIN TARANTINO
They needed to die so the body count
can be as large as possible.

CHARACTERS YET TO SHOW UP
Shit.

GEORGE CLOONEY punches QUENTIN TARANTINO because he is an
IDIOT.

GEORGE CLOONEY
I love you, brother.

INT - Harvey Keitel's motorhome

HARVEY KEITEL
Well, time for me to check into the
hotel for tonight.

HARVEY KEITEL'S VIETNAMESE
KID
We have a motorhome!

QUENTIN TARANTINO and GEORGE CLOONEY steal the motorhome
and take HARVEY and his FAMILY as hostages.

HARVEY KEITEL'S HOT VIRGINAL
KID
Eek!

QUENTIN TARANTINO
I want to do all sorts of sex-related
things with you.

GEORGE CLOONEY punches QUENTIN TARANTINO while saying "I
love you, brother."

EXT - MEXICAN BORDER

HARVEY KEITEL
Let us through! I am not being held
hostage by America's most wanted
crooks.

INEPT MEXICAN BORDER GUARD
Ok.

EXT - NASTY MEXICAN BAR

Everybody has a drink to celebrate excpet GEORGE CLOONEY,
who beats up CHEECH MARIN'S many characters, while
screaming about how he loves his brother. SALMA HAYEK
Strips in front of QUENTIN TARANTINO, who has eight
orgasms because he is PERVERTED.

SALMA HAYEK
I am a one dimensional character who
is basically naked.

The MALE AUDIENCE has eight orgasms because they are
PERVERTED. SALMA HAYEK turns into a vampire.

ENTIRE AUDIENCE
What the fuck?

QUENTIN TARANTINO laughs hysterically because his movie
scripts are so CLEVER. SALMA HAYEK EATS QUENTIN
TARANTINO, who DIES HORRIBLY, but then COMES BACK TO LIFE
AS A VAMPIRE so he can DIE HORRIBLY AGAIN.

GEORGE CLOONEY
Shit! My brother, whom I love, is
dead!

SALMA HAYEK, having completed her required NAKED DANCE
and having THREE LINES DELIVERED BADLY, DIES HORRIBLY.

All the HOOKERS and STRIPPERS get NAKED and turn into
VAMPIRES. GEORGE CLOONEY with HARVEY KEITEL and his
FAMILY KILL THEM ALL. They DIE HORRIBLY. BLOOD goes
EVERYWHERE. There is eventually a big pile of DEAD BLOODY
HOOKERS and STRIPPERS. They are NAKED.

MALE AUDIENCE
(high-fiving each other and
ejaculating)
This is fuckin' the best movie of all
time!

HARVEY KEITEL
I am a priest.

He DIES HORRIBLY along with the POINTLESS VIETNAMESE KID.

OTHER KID
No!

CHEECH MARIN #17
What the hell happened here?

INTELLIGENT AUDIENCE
(upon waking up)
Good Question.

GEORGE CLOONEY
I love my brother, but I have money so
I am OK

THE OTHER KID WHO IS THE
ONLY ONE TO LIVE
I have no family, but I will take your
money. I am OK too. I have a
motorhome!

QUENTIN TARANTINO
Money, sex and violence are good.

EXT - BACK OF THE BAR

The back of the bar is a TEMPLE or SOME STUPID SHIT LIKE
THAT. This EXPLAINS EVERYTHING.

FEMALE AUDIENCE
EEEeee! George Clooney!

END