The Editing Room: Bring It On

BRING IT ON: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPT

By Rod Hilton

FADE IN:

INT. HIGH SCHOOL GYMNASIUM!!

KIRSTEN DUNST and VARIOUS HOT FEMALES are cheering!!

KIRSTEN DUNST!
Hi! I'm Kirsten Dunst! My character
name, Torrence, sounds a helluva lot
like the name of our team, Toros, which
leads to, like, a lot of TOTALLY
confusing lines of dialog sometimes! Go
Toros!

SUPER-THIN ASIAN GIRL
I look constantly pissed off. Ew,
like, look at her shoes. What a skank.

WHITE BITCHY DUMB
BLONDE
I'd look pissed off too if I wasn't
busy looking super dumb!!

BITCHY RED-HEAD
I'm the biggest cliche, er, bitch of
you all! I'm leaving though, and I am
deciding that Kirsten Dunst shall be my
sucessor! Bye!

KIRSTEN DUNST!!
I hope I can lead our team to victory!

They do another cheer, which a group of cheerleaders had
to ACTUALLY LEARN for one scene in the movie.

KIRSTEN DUNST
We need a new cheerleader. Let's have a
comical scene where people who are
horrendously unqualified or in some way
comic.

ELIZA DUSHKU
I am edgy and dark. Pick me, you shit-
eating bitches.

KIRSTEN DUNST
I like her.

JESSE BRADFORD
I am Eliza's brother. I am also a
fringe sort of fellow. It makes a lot
of sense that I'd fall for a
cheerleader, because in real life it's
not like someone like me would loathe
everything someone like her stands for.

ELIZA joins the squad. They CHEER. And then they CHEER
some more. ELIZA'S hair becomes straight and she smiles
more.

ELIZA DUSHKU
Hooray! I'm becoming just like all of
you! Conformity is super-nifty mega-
keen! Gimme a C! Gimme an O! Gimme an
N! Gimme--

BLACK STEREOTYPE
TEENAGERS
Hey! You stole that from us! We shall
attack you with our powers of SASS!!!

The BLACK STEREOTYPE TEENAGERS SASS the hell out of the
WHITE TEENAGERS.

KIRSTEN DUNST
Oh no! We must train hard to beat
them, let us hire a comical
coreographer!

THE DUDE FROM UCB
I am such an exaggerated, absurd
character, I must be funny! I take
cheerleading very seriously! This is
funny!

KIRSTEN DUNST
Wait, I take cheerleading seriously too
but it's not funny, it's a major plot
point and the device by which people
feel sympathy for my superficial
character.

ELIZA DUSHKU
Yeah. I'm the only one who thought
cheerleading was stupid but now I've
conformed. Excuse me while I go graze
in the pastures now.

AUDIENCE
This is an interesting point.. why
should we give a shit about any of you?

Quickly, loud music and an elaborate cheerleading dance
number drown out the thoughts of the AUDIENCE!

Then they CHEER more. Then they FAIL. Then they CHEER.
Then they FAIL. Then they succeed, but only after
learning a VERY IMPORTANT LESSON ABOUT LIFE, which is
that inner city schools fit every single stereotype
you've heard of.

END