Daily Quotations

Submitted by litgeek on Wed, 02/17/2010 - 09:46
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  • 10 Things I Hate About You

  • "It was a bratwurst. I was joking with the lunchlady."
  • "Remove head from sphincter, THEN [verb]."
  • "Is that a peach Fruit Roll-Up? Because you don't see very many--"
  • "My fenders don't exactly whip me into a verbal frenzy."
  • "I want you, I need you. Oh, baby, oh, baby."
  • "Plus, she's a bitch."
  • "I'm thinking of getting a Tercel. Yeah, that's a Toyota.
  • "Your eyes have a little green in them."
  • "Je ne sais pas. Peut-être ton trou du cul?"
  • "In a strictly non-prison movie sense."
  • "Are you saying I'm not a pretty guy?"
  • "Doubtful. Very doubtful."
  • "Now that you've seen the plan, I'm gonna go show the plan to someone else."
  • "Those damn Dawson's River kids sleepin' in each other's beds?"
  • "It's not quite the crisis situation you imagine."
  • "Bikers. Big ones. Full of sperm."

  • Aladdin

  • "How many times do I have to kill you, boy?!"
  • "A little punch drunk, one too many hits with a snake!"

  • Alice in Wonderland

  • "Oh, she's curious."

  • American Pie 2

  • "Step away from the ficus. That is a jizz-free ficus."

  • Anchorman

  • "I'm Ron Burgondy?" / "Dammit! Who put a question mark on the teleprompter?"
  • "I love lamp."
  • "This burrito is tasty but it is filling."
  • "I love poetry, and a glass of scotch. And of course, my little friend Baxter here."
  • "The man punted Baxter!"
  • "I'm in a glass case of emotion!"
  • "Milk was a bad choice!"

  • Bad Boys

  • "What is this having a picnic shit in my car?"
  • "You damn right it's limited! No cupholders, no back seat!"

  • Bad Boys II

  • "Dude, you gotta learn the words!" / "We usually only do the chorus!"
  • "We are friends with boundaries. See, this is our boundary box."
  • "You at least 30."
  • "Ever make love to a man? You want to?"
  • "They fuck like we do!"
  • "Nice fish. Huge fuckin' eyes, but a nice fish."
  • "Woosah yourself up some serenity!"

  • Big Mama's House

  • "Big Mama? Is that another flashlight?"

  • Cold Comfort Farm

  • A work of fiction, is it?
  • Amusing or diverting--never 'such fun.'

  • The Count of Monte Cristo

  • "Perhaps you should get out more."
  • "It means driftwood."
  • "How is this a bad plan!"
  • "Unless his heart is located somewhere other than the left side of his chest."
  • "So he's the bastard son of a dead traitor."

  • Cruel Intentions
  • "This sure doesn't taste like an iced tea."

  • The Dark Knight

  • "I want my phone call."

  • Dude Where's My Car

  • "And then?"
  • "You didn't have to go agro all over that speaker box." / "Well, I'm not the one who called the dali lama a fag!" / "I was just kidding around."
  • "Maybe she thinks we're other people. People she waves to."
  • "Look, a barn!" / "Is it red?" / "No." / "Then it's not a barn!"
  • "Crispy new hundred dollar bills!"
  • "I know your body."
  • "I'm sensing something very Canadian about this place."
  • "I think you're trying to say 'honorable.'" / "Shut up! Shut up! What do I have to do to get you to shut up? Do I have to hose you down again?"
  • "Oh, I said brown."

  • Eurotrip

  • "These are not hash brownies! We're a simple Dutch bakery."

  • Everybody Loves Raymond
  • "You wanna play baker in a mineshaft?" (ep. 1.16, "Diamonds.")
  • "You'd think Death would be a big guy, but he's a little guy." (ep. 1.22, "Why Are We Here?")
  • "Death the hitchhiker." "Little guy?" (ditto)

  • Father of the Bride

  • "That's code for 'unemployed.'"
  • "I'll take the 'chipper' chicken."
  • "He's a jan-yus, and we need his miiind!"

  • Father of the Bride II

  • "What planet am I from?! The planet of not wanting to die of a driveby shooting!"

  • The Four Feathers

  • "You laugh like an Englishman."
  • "Hold the square!"

  • Galaxy Quest

  • "My TV Guide interview was six paragraphs about my boobs and how they fit into my suit."
  • "Ahh, backwash."
  • "They were termites or Dalmations. I can't really remember 'cause I was kind of hungover."
  • "Mmm, Guy."
  • "I'm just jazzed about being on the show, man."
  • "There's a red thingy, moving toward the green thing. I think we're the green thingy."
  • "The ship is breaking apart and all that. Just FYI."
  • "Could you possibly try not to hit every single one of them?!"
  • "You broke the ship. You broke the bloody ship."
  • "Look, I have one job on this lousy ship. It's stupid, but I'm gonna do it, okay?"
  • "Those poor people."
  • "Is there air? You don't know!"
  • "Miners, not minors!"
  • "Did you guys ever watch the show?!"
  • "Let's get out of here before one of those things kills Guy."
  • "Does the rolling help?"
  • "Did I just hear that the animal turned inside out and then it exploded?"
  • "Hold please."
  • "It's a rock. It doesn't have any vulnerable spots!"
  • "Look around, can you form some sort of rudamentary lathe?"
  • "Get off the line, Guy!"
  • "Alexander, you're my advisor, advise me."
  • "I see you managed to get your shirt off."
  • "Explain as you would a child."
  • "Henh . . . right."
  • "That's not right. That's not natural."

  • Grind

  • "I'm from the release the twins foundation." "What are you talking about?" "Releasin' those twieeeeens!"
  • "Dude, I just got violated by a lizard!" . . . "It felt pretty good."

  • Groundhog Day

  • "Watch out for that first step, it's a doozy!"
  • "Just put that anywhere."

  • The Haunted Mansion

  • "Look, honey, they got dead people in the backyard."
  • "Ho, ho, no, don't you make no dark spirits come out! Wait till I get up and leave before the dark spirits come."

  • The Haunting

  • "In the dark, in the night."
  • "Wow."

  • High Spirits

  • "Why are chunks of masonry floating about?"

  • Hook

  • "I just had an apostrophe!" / "I think you mean an epiphany." / "Lightning has struck my brain!"

  • House of 1000 Corpses

  • "Gimme a B! Gimme an A! Gimme a B again! You guys are the worst cheerleaders ever."

  • Interview With a Vampire

  • "Drink it, Louis. You can pretend it's wine."

  • Jeepers Creepers

  • "My first guess? INBREEDING!"
  • "You know that part in horror movies where somebody does something stupid and everyone hates them for it? This is that part!"

  • Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie

  • "With sound chip!"
  • "Khalil--you've got to put your gut into it!"
  • "You are a skilled metal worker." / "I am a skilled metal worker--ah! I did not know that."

  • Jonah Commentary w/ Larry and Mr. Lundt

  • "If you are shooting a movie, first of all, give me back my underpants, and secondly, shoot it digit-al-ly, because that is the future."
  • "We don't do any movies without Ralph Fiennes or Gwenyth Paltrow in them."
  • "Paltrow? Now there's the name of a vegetable if I ever heard of one."
  • "What did I say? Vedtigmable?"
  • "I would like some paltrow on my salad!"

  • Just Like Heaven

  • "I'm about 99.9% parched here. Can I get a co-la?"

  • Kate and Leopold

  • "Miss Tree, of the Trees of Schenectady."
  • "We made Smuckers take the seeds out of their jam. We did that!"
  • "'Hey, I like seeds in my jam, without seeds it's just jelly. You--you people are sucking the life out of my condiments.'"
  • "We went out, got a little sloppy on Guinness . . ."
  • "A woman in trousers isn't dangerous, merely plain."
  • "J.J. called! That's why I have a cell phone!"
  • "Are you suggesting, Madam, there exists a law compelling gentlemen to lay hold of canine bowel movements?"
  • "It's not actor camp, and yeah, I came home early, one day early--there was this tai chi broad who kept trying to stick her fingers--"
  • "Inserting the bread once produces no toast at all, merely warm bread. Inserting the bread twice produces charcoal. So, clearly, to make proper toast it requires one and a half insertions, something for which the apparatus does not begin to allow!"
  • "One would think when the General of Electric built it, he might have tried using it! One would think the General would take pride in his creations instead of foisting them on an unsuspecting public!"
  • "Are those people in that little box of phosphorous? Why, crikey, I believe it is! This game's more beguiling than cricket!"
  • "Good golly, oh, jeeze. It looks like Mike Piazza just hit the game."
  • "Look at all those people up in that stadium. You know what they could probably go for? Some margarine!"
  • "For the record, I was in the zone and I was working it, and I would have gotten her number if you hadn't turned the evening into a guided tour of the Louvre!"
  • "You want to vex my sister!"
  • "I don't know what this guy did to piss you off, but that is the best apology letter in the history of mankind. Just sign it, Kate. It's four-thirty. We'll fax it! KATE MCKAY'S OFFICE! They hung up."
  • "Who's goin' out with Patrice? Charlie goin' out with Patrice."
  • "Gotta get ready. Gotta go change. But not too much, 'cause she likes me the way I am."

  • A Knight's Tale

  • "Damn your stomach, Wat!"
  • "Yes. And at the same time, a huge resounding no."
  • "Chaucer, Geoffrey Chaucer, the writer?"
  • "A what? A writer! I write, with ink and parchment?"
  • "Even been known to jot down a poem or two if the muse descenders. You've probably read my book, The Book of the Duchess? Fine, well, it was allegorical." / "We won't hold that against you. That's for each man to decide for himself."
  • "I will fong you until your insides are out, your outsides are in, your entrails will become your extrails . . . I will . . . pain! Lots of pain!"
  • "And one, and two, and three, and you're still gettin' it wrong! You can hit me all day 'cause you hit like a what?"
  • "Better a silly girl with a flower than a silly boy with a horse and a stick." / "It's called lance. Hello!"
  • "I miss her throat?"
  • "The moon at least. Her breasts were not that impressive."
  • "I demand poetry."
  • "Your breasts, they're below your throat."
  • "Do not shush me and spare him! Now begone!"
  • "William, that's blasphemous."
  • "Maybe not you."

  • Legally Blonde

  • "Like on vacay?" "ROAD TRIP!"
  • "It's pink. And it's scented."
  • "I can't believe you called me a butthead! Nobody's called me a butthead since, like, the fifth grade!" / "Maybe not to your face."

  • A Life Less Ordinary

  • "It's a little obvious, Robert."
  • "This one makes it go faster, that one slower! That one makes it go forwards, that one back. The rest you can pick up as we go along!"
  • "I'm writing a book. I know a lot of people say this, but in my case it's true."
  • "I'm doing my best here under really difficult circumstances."
  • "Maybe we should go out." / "Out where?" / "For a drink!"
  • "What? What do you mean, you're not taking me to a hospital? I demand to be taken to a hospital! Where are you taking me?"
  • "Give me the Bambi."
  • "I've never written a poem in my life."
  • "With a broken arm? WITH A BROKEN ARM?!"
  • "You shot them, didn't you? And then . . . you shot yourself. And then you burned down this cabin, didn't you?"

  • Love Actually
  • "You want to get married and have lots of sex and babies."
  • "Ten minutes at Elton John's, you're gay as a maypole!"
  • "Let's get pissed and watch porn."

  • The Matrix

  • "There is no spoon."

  • Moulin Rouge!

  • "It's set in Switzerwand!"
  • "Oh! A poetry reading! I do love a little poetry after supper."

  • Mrs. Doubtfire

  • "We've got to stop talking about her as if she actually exists!"

  • The Mummy

  • "Do you swear?" / "Every damn day."
  • "His neck did not break!"
  • "I am the map. It's all up here."
  • "And did I panic? I think not!"

  • The Mummy Returns

  • "Something is coming."

  • My Boss's Daughter

  • "I see we both have guns."
  • "You expect me to be calm when OJ is loose?!"

  • Napoleon Dynamite

  • "But my lips hurt real bad."
  • "Make yourself a dang quesadilla."

  • Night at the Museum 2: Battle for the Smithsonian

  • "Like a little tiny grain of couscous!"

  • Nightwatch

  • "Ever spend any time with the zine family?"

  • Old School

  • "I'm talking crazy boy band ass."
  • "I don't know why you gotta do it, with the f-ing, with the kid right here. All you gotta do is say 'earmuffs.'"
  • "All you gotta say is just 'earmuffs' and then you can say whatever you want. You can say damn, shit, bitch." / "Cock. Balls." / "I was just proving a point, Frank. You don't have to celebrate it."
  • "I'm worth eight million dollars that the government knows about!"
  • "Maybe Bed, Bath, and Beyond, I don't know, I don't know if we'll have time."
  • "We're going streaking!"
  • "But maybe you could give me your number, you know, in case anything happens to my wife?"
  • "I thought we could enjoy a meal of food."
  • "Who's hungry? Who's hungry?"
  • "Or that cute sailor you met at TGI Friday's who never called me back . . . and who gave me a little something called herpes . . . which I then gave to the dog."

  • The Patriot

  • "I killed those men. I'm glad I killed them."
  • "A dog is a fine meal."
  • "Oh, fireworks, lovely!"
  • "I remember you, that farm, that stupid little boy. Did he die?"

  • Psych

  • "Dude, we started an urban legend."
  • "Beer. Cigars. Steak."

  • The Ring

  • "You ho! You totally did!"
  • "Ask your mom where she keeps the Vicadin."
  • "That was a very student film."
  • "Piece of shit."

  • Road Trip

  • "We've--I've had trouble with stragglers before. They get lost in the back--they get hit by trucks, okay?--it's not pretty, it's not pretty when it happens."
  • "It was built in the, uh, 1600s." "1600s? It says 1951." That's the address. Okay? Wise-ass."
  • "It ain't easy being Josh's penis. We've been here for over two months, and I feel like I'm in a coma! . . . If something doesn't happen soon, I'm just gonna pack up my balls and leave."
  • "Well, you're bouncing around here like you're Richard fuckin' Simmons."
  • "YOU videotaped it!"
  • "Did you make a copy? 'cause if you made a copy, we could watch the copy."
  • "What else am I gonna do? Stay here and learn? Nah. Road trip."
  • "Because it's your dog! Get it?"
  • "♪Ah-ah-ah♫. . . Are you here for the feeding? You're early. It's not till tomorrow."
  • "Naked! REALLY naked!"
  • "That's why it's a shortcut. If it was easy, it would just be the way."
  • "I give us about 20 minutes before our first ass-raping."
  • "The last time I trusted a man was in 1985, and he took off with my sister and my van--and that was a regular sized van, too! That was before they stated makin' all that minivan crap."
  • "Would you like a foot massage?" "No, I would not like a foot massage! As a matter of fact, I would hate a foot massage! Are there any guys out there who are just normal?!"
  • "Wait a second, Barry's last name is Manilow? His name is Barry Manilow?"
  • "WWW-dot-episode two spoilers dot com, backslash . . ."

  • The Road to El Dorado

  • "You gave me loaded dice?!"
  • "In the middle of the night, you and I sneak up on deck, steal some provisions . . ."
  • "He's a horse! He doesn't understand 'pry bar'!"
  • "Well, it's not a pry bar."
  • "I am Miguel, and he is Tulio. And they call us Miguel and Tulio!"

  • Robot Chicken: Star Wars Special III

  • "You know how they say, let my smile be your umbrella? Well, my face is a giant letter T! . . . I forget the point."
  • "I drunk better when I drive!"
  • "Party foul! You made me drink my spill."
  • "*snigger* I called Jodie Foster an asshole."
  • "Why do I have a t-shirt cannon?"
  • "Oh, the club soda dispenser. They told me that was a bad idea and I didn't listen . . . then I choked them with magic."
  • "I think I have some Dramamine in my shaving kit--oh, nope. It's hotel soap. Serves me right--I never use that hotel soap, but I always steal it anyway."

  • The Rundown

  • "You look like a little birdie up there, ca-caw, ca-caw."
  • "What do you mean, Declan start the plane?!"

  • Rush Hour

  • "Don't you ever touch a black man's radio!"
  • "You got a prescription for this? . . . This cigaweed!"

  • Rush Hour 2

  • "You owe me copy of Beach Boys Greatest Hits!"
  • "Am I the only one listening to this? Man is ruining a classic!"
  • "Chinese bamboo is very strong."
  • "Don't step in front of a black man in a buffet line."
  • "How cheap? Cheap as hell cheap?"
  • "P. Di-dee!"
  • "Detective Yu?!"
  • "Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?" / "Ain't nobody understand the words coming out of your mouth."
  • "When Godzilla's coming, y'all be trippin."
  • "Ah, slow down baby."
  • "Victoria Secret, page 36! Girl got class."
  • "They think I'm cute. Like Snoopy."
  • "Snoopy six inches taller than you!"
  • "You said she was the bomb?"
  • "I'll bitch slap you back to Africa!"
  • "Cut off our egg rolls?! HELL NO."
  • "Use them tiger teeth!"
  • "Some apple?"
  • "Some people think it's tacky but I really enjoy it when couples dress alike."
  • "There are a lot of men chasing us." / "As well there should be."
  • "You got the mochachino face, the big broad shoulders, wonderful skin--let's put a dead animal on you! Croc skin, buttercream, buttercream, croc skin--what size is the waist? Let's go in--"
  • "Lionel Richie ain't been black since the Commadores!"
  • "I have a dream that white people, and black people, and even Chinese people can gamble together without gettin' different chips!"
  • "This one is for Mandella!"
  • "If you ain't gonna shoot him, kung fu his ass or something!"

  • Scary Movie 2

  • "You suck!" / "She's good."
  • "And who got that unholy bitch Jeri kicked off of 'Survivor'!"
  • "I said no starch!" / "It's Febreeze." / "Oh, that's nice."
  • "Don't split the pole, now!"
  • "My psychic told me I was going to meet someone today whose name started with a letter of the alphabet!"
  • "Shit, son."
  • "Even some presidents." / "Ew."
  • "I said, Polly wants your mama's sweet ass." / "You don't know my mama!"
  • "Aw, dude, someone's on the rag!"
  • "Maybe you two should . . . sleep together? . . . Don't forget to kiss each other goodnight!"
  • "This is bones! Would you run from Callista Flockheart?"

  • Scary Movie 3

  • "The cow says blank, three letters. . ." / "Dude!" / "Yeah, D-U-D!"
  • "Katie? Are you okay? Katie?"
  • "I have a dream." / "What is your dream?" / "To have a dream!"
  • "Like when you see a Asian person behind the wheel of a car!"
  • "No, but what if we stop living over here, and start living over there?"
  • "Rats are outside, mice are inside."
  • "I don't know what I'm doing here. This is totally pathetic."
  • "♪Bitch . . . ho!♫"
  • "Cindy, the TV's leaking!"
  • "Cindy, this bitch is messing up my floor!"
  • "You know your teacher, Miss Brenda? She's dead! Died a terrible, painful death, just like your dog! Everyone you love is dying a horrible death!"
  • "You mean this is the last time I can talk to my wife's top half? What about a few minutes with her lower half?"
  • "I don't understand your fancy medical terminology."
  • "Are you saying this is the last time I'll be able to talk to my wife's upper half? What about her lower half? Can I squeeze in a couple of minutes with that?"
  • "They're all blank!" / "Turn them around."
  • "It's a wake!" / "She's awake?! Brenda, you're alive!"
  • "Willie Mays? Who's gay?"
  • "Seven days? I'm going to die in seven days? I'm going to die seven days from today?"
  • "But there's a holiday on Monday. Do you count that?" / "Depends. What holiday?" / "Martin Luther King day." / "Then no." / "But everyone at work is getting it off!"

  • Shrek
  • "Everybody like parfait. You ever talk to anybody who's like, 'Hey, man, let's get some parfait?' and they like, 'nah, man, I don't like parfait.'"
  • "I love what you've done on such a modest budget."
  • "I like that boulder. That's a nice boulder."

  • Signs

  • "I swore." / "I heard."
  • "It was very dark."
  • "You had a tone."
  • "Move, children! Vamanos!"

  • Someone Like You
  • "A man who knows his primates."
  • "Chubby hubby?"
  • "I bit myself shaving."
  • "Isn't that why God invented turtlenecks?" / "No, that's why God invented Darlene."
  • "Matching Volvos and chocolate labs."
  • "I was just thinking, Dr. Glenn, if I could just short-circuit my nose somehow, I might actually have a chance at living a semi-normal life someday."
  • "Who's Penelope Pope?" / "I don't know but that's what she said when she answered the phone and I said who the FUCK is this?!"
  • "Do we really have to have another postmortem?"
  • "So we're in the kitchen getting a drink, and, uh, suddenly she starts looking for food. We'd had dinner just before the movie but, uh, she was hungry again. She's always hungry."
  • "So she takes out a pint of Hagan Dazs--a pint--and she starts eating it, standing there, right out of the refrigerator . . . and, I don't know, it just turned me off somehow."

  • Star Wars: Episode I: The Phantom Menace

  • "This is getting out of hand. Now there are two of them."

  • Star Wars: Episode II: Attack of the Clones
  • "Only in your mind, my very young apprentice."

  • Star Wars: Episode IV: A New Hope

  • I've just about had enough of you.

  • Stay Alive

  • "Whoever said size doesn't matter never played a third-person shooter. Can I have a 42-inch this time? You know I like the big ones."
  • "Can we skip this bullshit cinematic foreplay? I wanna fuuuuck!"

  • Sweet Home Alabama
  • "You have a baby! In a bar!"

  • Trading Places

  • "I am Helga from Sveden. Ay, with leiderhosen."
  • "We are moving! We are moving!"

  • Two Weeks Notice
  • "Have a bounce."
  • "That's just silly. Have you met everyone in the world?"
  • "There's something amok with this sponge cake."
  • "You forgot a beet. Beet!"
  • "People just don't go in Volvos." / "I'll buy you another Volvo." / "And for the rest of your life you'll just remember me as the woman who went on the front seat." / "That would be hard to forget."

  • U.S. Marshals

  • "Get yourself a Glock. Get rid of that nickle-plated sissy pistol."

  • View from the Top

  • "Asses the window!" / "No, no, no, assess the window. You put the emphasis on the wrong syllable!"

  • While You Were Sleeping
  • "Hello, Fluffy."
  • "Is this guy bothering you? 'cause he looks like he's . . . leaning."


  • Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

  • "Strike that, reverse it."
  • "Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker."

  • You've Got Mail

  • "Penne dinner?"
  • "Keep those pseudo-intellectual liberal nuts happy--" "Readers, Dad, they're called readers." "Don't do that, son! Don't romanticize them!"

  • Zoolander

  • "Sting's a real hero. The music he makes over the years, I don't really listen to it, but just the fact that he makes it--I respect that."
  • ". . . in a freak gasoline fight accident."
  • "I thought you were gonna tell me what a bad you-goog-a-lizer I am."
  • "A yoo-goog-a-lizer, one who speaks at funerals!"
  • "Did you think I was so stupid I would not know what a yoo-googly was?"
  • "I think I'm getting the black lung, pop. Ahem, ahem."
  • "What is this, a center for ants? How can we expect to teach children to read if they can't even fit inside the building? . . . The center has to be at least three times bigger than this!"


  • OTHER

  • The Homestar Runner Cartoons (www.rifftrax.com)
  • "If you'd take a look at my wesume here..."
  • "Oh, why don't you creat an alternate reality where you don't have to spell correctly, and I talk like this, and your name is Watered Down!"
  • "What's-Her-Face ate staple sauce, a heaping bowl of staple sauce."
  • "The good times are over!"

  • RiffTrax (www.rifftrax.com)

  • "Oh, I only wish Ben were here. And Jerry. Because then we could eat ice cream made by dirty old hippies."
  • "If I were John Carpenter and you were a lady, would you marry me and have my baby?"
  • "I think she just had a diagnosable conniption fit."

  • Internet Memes

  • "Plot device, Mr. Frodo. Plot device."
  • "That's a double rainbow!"
  • "Obviously we have a rapist in Lincoln Park."
  • "Hide yo wife, hide yo kids."
  • "I was attacked by some idiot in the projects."
  • "My daddy taught me good."
  • "Belgium is pretty much a non-country."
  • "We don't know you, we don't want you."
  • "The back of your head is ridikilus."
Author Comments: 

Things I quote on a nearly daily basis. My best friend and I have been accused of communicating solely in movie quotes. So I suddenly hit upon the idea of recording every movie quotation we use. This is that list! Sometimes we don't say the line exactly as it goes; I record it how we say it. The list is not censored . . . and it is very incomplete.