The Worst Ideas For Remakes: Past, Present, And Future
Because Of Casting
- Planet Of The Apes I've never seen the original movie... but i do love Charlton Heston and from what I hear(and bits and pieces i've seen) he is irreplacable in this movie... also i have seen the remake and it is one of the worst i have seen.
- Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory I'm not gonna say the original was perfect, cause it's not... but even suggesting the idea of anyone but Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka is grounds for execution in my book... i also can't imagine a new grandpa... that guy was great.
Because The Original Is As Good As It Gets
- Assault On Precinct 13 Since I have never seen the original i can't really be sure... but I do have a lot of experience with John Carpenter films and my educated guess would be that remaking a Carpenter film is a bad idea... taking any of his movies and making them into big budget action movies just sounds like a terrible movie to me... maybe you don't agree but that is just my opinion... Carpenter has a way with making otherwise bad movie ideas into great films... not exactly remake material.
- The Fog Probably the greatest horror film ever made, IMO, being remade in an error where almost every horror film that comes out is completely stupid and terrible... i would go as far to say it's a terrible idea for a movie in the first place, as is with most John Carpenter movies... but again he pulls it off and makes it into a great movie... i just don't see it happening... specially with the quality of todays horror movies... basically they all suck, although some of them are scary, they are just bad movies.
- King Kong I'm never in favor of remaking a movie simply to update the special effects... just look at planet of the apes... i still prefer the look of the 60's apes... anyway, the original isn't exactly amazing... but i garantee i'll like it more than anything one of my least favorite directors, peter jackson, can do with it and a big budget and CGIs at his disposal... that is if it looks anything like the lord of the rings.
Both Casting And Quality Of Original
- High Noon Those cheap bastards at the cable network decided since they couldn't have the almost perfect original starring the great gary cooper that they would just make their own with a second rate cast(even for a tv movie).
- 3:10 To Yuma Glenn Ford is irreplacable and it's a great movie... making it better would be very difficult and all in vain as long as Ford isn't in the lead.
- The Bad News Bears not only is the original perfect for what it is... Billy Bob Thornton doesn't have a shot in hell at replacing Walter Matheau as Coach... Same goes for Greg Kinnear taking a wack at the character Vic Morrow played perfectly. Not to mention it's hard to find child actors who can do a good job and i just can't imagine anyone in those roles other than O'neal and company in the original.
- UPDATE: just saw the trailer for the new bad news bears movie, and if I were stupid enough to go see it, it definitly has the potential of being the worst remake i've ever seen, and thats really saying something, looks like a really really really bad version of the mighty ducks, and that wasn't all that good to begin with... just has that ungenuine feel to it... to sum it up... they added a kid in a wheelchair and billy bob hits him a grounder... just stupid.
- All Serious Batman Movies Although these don't really classify as remakes i'm still sticking my gripe with it here... This is my plea... Stop making serious Batman movies... i won't see 'em and you know why?... because batman isn't INTERESTING or INTRIGUEING because he has no super powers or because he has all the gadgets money can buy for just about any problem or because all his villains are eccentric and dumb and also have no real powers... It's PATHETIC and therefore FUNNY not interesting or intrigueing... Adam West and Burt Ward are and always will be the only Batman and Robin team I will ever watch starring in a movie... and don't get me started on this catwoman crap... catwoman is just an insane woman who acts like a cat... not some half woman, half cat reincarnate bullshit. And yes i have read some of the early comics, and although they are not as blatantly satirical as the tv show and Adam West movie i still think fans and future comic book makers missed the point... he's not supposed to be a dark action hero... it's a silly powerless hero with some eccentric and powerless villains with even zanier antics.
Remade As Musical: Always A Terrible Idea
- The Phantom Of The Opera Never seen, but it's a remake musical so i probably never will.
- A Christmas Carol Bad idea as a musical unless it's with the muppets... but either way so far nothing stands up to the '51 version, hard to be sad and spooky at the same time as singing songs... actually it might not be so hard but for some reason whenever a musical is made they try to make it fun and happy, even at the parts that are supposed to be sad or spooky... almost cartoonish, I was on the floor laughing at Jason Alexander's Marley's Ghost bit... Don't get me wrong I have no problem with it being remade forever as it is one of the greatest stories ever told... but i wish they would stop making it for tv every year and forget ever trying to make it into a musical.
Because The Original Is So Bad It's Beyond Repair
- Porky's The original is just so bad... and how good can a really bad 80's idea be remade
- Revenge Of The Nerds see above.
These are the remakes or upcoming remakes that make me cringe just hearing about.
Overall my opinion is that unless it's just making a different version of a book or it's remaking a terrible movie that had a great story... DON'T DO IT!... the funny thing is less than half of all remakes fall into those categories... most of them are just for the box office or some idiot directors wet dream... they took a great idea for a movie and turned it into a billy bob thornton acting like an ass, kids going to hooters piece of shit movie, with stupid jokes and terrible timing... thats what i got from the trailer anyway, you would think they could use the good stuff from the original at least, but it doesn't seem that way.