The Worst Ideas For Remakes: Past, Present, And Future

  • Because Of Casting

  • Planet Of The Apes I've never seen the original movie... but i do love Charlton Heston and from what I hear(and bits and pieces i've seen) he is irreplacable in this movie... also i have seen the remake and it is one of the worst i have seen.
  • Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory I'm not gonna say the original was perfect, cause it's not... but even suggesting the idea of anyone but Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka is grounds for execution in my book... i also can't imagine a new grandpa... that guy was great.
  • Because The Original Is As Good As It Gets

  • Assault On Precinct 13 Since I have never seen the original i can't really be sure... but I do have a lot of experience with John Carpenter films and my educated guess would be that remaking a Carpenter film is a bad idea... taking any of his movies and making them into big budget action movies just sounds like a terrible movie to me... maybe you don't agree but that is just my opinion... Carpenter has a way with making otherwise bad movie ideas into great films... not exactly remake material.
  • The Fog Probably the greatest horror film ever made, IMO, being remade in an error where almost every horror film that comes out is completely stupid and terrible... i would go as far to say it's a terrible idea for a movie in the first place, as is with most John Carpenter movies... but again he pulls it off and makes it into a great movie... i just don't see it happening... specially with the quality of todays horror movies... basically they all suck, although some of them are scary, they are just bad movies.
  • King Kong I'm never in favor of remaking a movie simply to update the special effects... just look at planet of the apes... i still prefer the look of the 60's apes... anyway, the original isn't exactly amazing... but i garantee i'll like it more than anything one of my least favorite directors, peter jackson, can do with it and a big budget and CGIs at his disposal... that is if it looks anything like the lord of the rings.
  • Both Casting And Quality Of Original

  • High Noon Those cheap bastards at the cable network decided since they couldn't have the almost perfect original starring the great gary cooper that they would just make their own with a second rate cast(even for a tv movie).
  • 3:10 To Yuma Glenn Ford is irreplacable and it's a great movie... making it better would be very difficult and all in vain as long as Ford isn't in the lead.
  • The Bad News Bears not only is the original perfect for what it is... Billy Bob Thornton doesn't have a shot in hell at replacing Walter Matheau as Coach... Same goes for Greg Kinnear taking a wack at the character Vic Morrow played perfectly. Not to mention it's hard to find child actors who can do a good job and i just can't imagine anyone in those roles other than O'neal and company in the original.
  • UPDATE: just saw the trailer for the new bad news bears movie, and if I were stupid enough to go see it, it definitly has the potential of being the worst remake i've ever seen, and thats really saying something, looks like a really really really bad version of the mighty ducks, and that wasn't all that good to begin with... just has that ungenuine feel to it... to sum it up... they added a kid in a wheelchair and billy bob hits him a grounder... just stupid.
  • All Serious Batman Movies Although these don't really classify as remakes i'm still sticking my gripe with it here... This is my plea... Stop making serious Batman movies... i won't see 'em and you know why?... because batman isn't INTERESTING or INTRIGUEING because he has no super powers or because he has all the gadgets money can buy for just about any problem or because all his villains are eccentric and dumb and also have no real powers... It's PATHETIC and therefore FUNNY not interesting or intrigueing... Adam West and Burt Ward are and always will be the only Batman and Robin team I will ever watch starring in a movie... and don't get me started on this catwoman crap... catwoman is just an insane woman who acts like a cat... not some half woman, half cat reincarnate bullshit. And yes i have read some of the early comics, and although they are not as blatantly satirical as the tv show and Adam West movie i still think fans and future comic book makers missed the point... he's not supposed to be a dark action hero... it's a silly powerless hero with some eccentric and powerless villains with even zanier antics.
  • Remade As Musical: Always A Terrible Idea

  • The Phantom Of The Opera Never seen, but it's a remake musical so i probably never will.
  • A Christmas Carol Bad idea as a musical unless it's with the muppets... but either way so far nothing stands up to the '51 version, hard to be sad and spooky at the same time as singing songs... actually it might not be so hard but for some reason whenever a musical is made they try to make it fun and happy, even at the parts that are supposed to be sad or spooky... almost cartoonish, I was on the floor laughing at Jason Alexander's Marley's Ghost bit... Don't get me wrong I have no problem with it being remade forever as it is one of the greatest stories ever told... but i wish they would stop making it for tv every year and forget ever trying to make it into a musical.
  • Because The Original Is So Bad It's Beyond Repair

  • Porky's The original is just so bad... and how good can a really bad 80's idea be remade
  • Revenge Of The Nerds see above.
Author Comments: 

These are the remakes or upcoming remakes that make me cringe just hearing about.

Overall my opinion is that unless it's just making a different version of a book or it's remaking a terrible movie that had a great story... DON'T DO IT!... the funny thing is less than half of all remakes fall into those categories... most of them are just for the box office or some idiot directors wet dream... they took a great idea for a movie and turned it into a billy bob thornton acting like an ass, kids going to hooters piece of shit movie, with stupid jokes and terrible timing... thats what i got from the trailer anyway, you would think they could use the good stuff from the original at least, but it doesn't seem that way.

I think The Muppet Christmas Carol was a mistake... but how could it not be? It's the first movie the Muppets did after the death of Jim Henson and it is accordingly grim. And as if that wasn't enough: Frank Oz was reduced to cameos, Kevin Clash was still a bench player, Bill Barretta hadn't arrived yet and the movie had to be carried by the David Goelz/Steve Whitmire dynamic (yes, Gonzo the Great/Rizzo the Rat does not guarantee movie magic.) Poor Steve Whitmire. It was his first performance in the role of Kermit and that is not the kind of pressure that anyone can withstand. It's much like following Sean Connery as James Bond except for the fact that 007 is a fictional character.

I encourage you to watch The Planet of the Apes (the original.) Not just because I think it is a fine movie but also because you can then make the case as to why Tim Burton should've never remade it. That is a slightly more difficult argument to make than why the movie shouldn't have been made. (I, for one, did not have to see Mark Wahlberg and Helena Bonham Carter make sweet monkey love.) Look before you lip.

i'm not saying the muppet christmas carol wasn't a mistake... i just don't think it's that bad... i mean the songs are pretty entertaining and micheal caine does an ok scrooge

I see your point about planet of the apes... but if i can make an argument that it's a bad movie... isn't that enough to say that burton should never have remade it... even if it was better than the original.

Have you seen the 1970 Scrooge with Albert Finney? I haven't seen it in awhile, but I remember it being both sad (when Belle leaves Scrooge) and spooky (when Scrooge visits his own grave). The Ghost of Christmas Present is definitely the better for having a song to sing, the exuberant "I Like Life." It's not the definitive version by a long shot, but I think there's a place for it.

I'm not sure that I had a point about Planet of the Apes ... perhaps just a nub. You can make any argument you'd like as to why Burton's Planet of the Apes should be buried on Liberty Island, just not an argument as to why the original shouldn't have been remade. I may be totally misreading your intent but I thought that the idea of remaking the originals was a part of what made the (more) modern movies above so awful.

Just because Shiner exists does that mean that it is a bad idea to remake King Lear? Just because Ran exists does that mean that remaking King Lear is a good idea? Or should the Leary merry-go-round stop with that successful remake? Or any previous remake? Why would Olivier want to revisit Lear almost forty years after he threw down the greatest modern day Lear onstage? (I didn't see it, I was... busy.) Should we use question marks for questions. These questions may all be rhetorical (or maybe not) but I am curious as to why remakes are inherently bad. Or are just some of them the worst ideas?

I certainly agree with you about Porky's only I don't think the original should've been made... nor*gasp* American Pie . They're no King Lear , that's for sure. But, oh my goodness, would I love to see the Muppets put on a production of A Midsummer Night's Dream . Kermit as Oberon, Miss Piggy as Miss Pigania, Fozzie as Puck, Gonzo the Great as Bottom... I'm all a tingle.

I hate a brutal Caineing... and they are all brutal.

i'm not someone who is completely against remakes... if they can be done well and there is reason for it... half of the movies up there are just because the remakes are bad movies... the ones i have a real problem with are the movies that have no business... well actually ONLY business and making money... being remade... like the fog or the bad news bears... there is no reasonable motive for remaking those movies other than making money or some idiot filmmaker who wants to copy a great movie and pass it off as his own... remake king lear forever... i have no problem with that... it's a great story and any filmmaker can read it a different way... it's not just some movie that people want to remake it's shakespear. like i said before... books or improving a great idea that was made poorly... those are the only excuses for remakes... remaking classics and great movies makes no since.

Re: The Whole Batman Dissection

I can understand you not having an exactly very high opinion of Batman because of his powers (and the lack of the prefix 'super'). While this is the reason you might hate it, it is actaully the reason why many people love it. It makes him more close to reality. It makes him more accessible. It makes him more like 'us'. More supporting to this notion is his troubled past (I hope you see Batman Begins soon, if you haven't already..). People look at him and say "Look no flying bullshit, no heat lasers from his cornea! This one is bloody hell so much like us!". His darkness is what makes him so interesting (for me..)Although I have to nod my head in silent agreement on your point that he's got infinite pool of money, as a result of which, he does get reduced to being ridiculous at times..

And Catwoman is actaully the most embarassing bit for any Batman fan. It couldn't get more ridiculous..

yeah i sort of want to like him, because he is a super hero without the bullshit, but it works so well as a pathetic type joke with adam west, and batman: the movie(1966) is so funny that i've refused to see any serious batman movies... thats the only thing on my list of movies "I WILL NOT SEE"... serious batman movies.