Some of My Least Favorite Movies
Submitted by AJDaGreat on Tue, 07/16/2002 - 09:40
Tags:
- Runners-up: Disney's The Kid (2000), North (1994), Snowboard Academy (1996), Surf Ninjas (1993), Vegas Vacation (1997), You've Got Mail (1998), Hanging Up (2000), Drowning Mona (2000), Look Who's Talking Too (1990), Mixed Nuts (1994), Repossessed (1990), Critical Condition (1987), Trial and Error (1997), Small Time Crooks (2000)
- Wholly Moses! (1980) - I was reading the TV Guide in preparation to tape this movie. The plot summary for this movie was: Tired religious satire. I should've listenened, because I have never seen another plot summary in TV Guide that criticizes the movie. Every single one of the jokes in this movie fail miserably. Since the movie is a Zucker-wannabe, and nothing but jokes, we can conclude that the movie sucks.
- Jack (1996) - This movie is so shallow, never once exploring any emotions in any of its characters. It's just plain bad. I could say more, but I saw it about six years ago and don't remember it that well. I just remember despising it.
- Loose Cannons (1990) - Gene Hackman? Dan Aykroyd? Wow, I gotta rent this one! What a mistake. It sounds hilarious: Aykroyd is a schizophrenic who has multiple personalities of various TV personalities, and he drives his policeman partner (Hackman) crazy. However, the movie spends little time on Aykroyd doing his schizophrenic schtick, and more time actually showing him dealing with his condition as if it were a serious one. Add to the mix a lot of pointless and violent action scenes, and you get one major crapfest.
- The Next Best Thing (2000) - Seeing this movie is the next best thing to having your intestines removed with a teaspoon. I never was a big Madonna fan, but I never thought she could be THIS bad. I stopped caring about all these characters within 15 minutes into the movie, and the only people I sympathized with were myself and any other suckers who paid to see this boring movie. It's just plain stupid. It's not funny, it's not dramatic, it's not believable - people don't act like this! It's ludicrously bad and all copies should be BURNED.
- Mouse Hunt (1997) - Ooh, wow, a nice, light, slapstick comedy. You can always use one of those. Oh, look, a cockroach is sneaking into that man's food! Hee hee! Oh, look, he's having a heart attack! Oh, look, he's dead! Ha ha! Hilarious! I'm sure glad the rest of the movie keeps this same tone of being too cartoony for adults and too disturbing for children!
- Clifford (1995) - I think this is what a memo between the moviemakers of "Clifford" would say: "Great idea for a new movie! Here's the plot: Martin Short acts (poorly) the role of a little kid. He wants to go on his uncle's dinosaur ride. When his uncle won't let him, he plays a cruel prank on his uncle. Repeat until we fill up 90 minutes."
- It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time (1975) - I bought this movie along with its sequel in a two-pack of movies that claimed to star John Candy. Candy has a very small part in this stinkeroo that is just a bunch of completely meaningless slapstick. The slapstick isn't even Three Stooges quality slapstick - it's just boring. I threw out both movies after watching the first.
- Batman and Robin (1997) - How this movie could be bad with Clooney, O'Donnel, Silverstone, Schwarzenegger, and Thurman, I'll never know. But it's the worst of the Batman series, and also a terrible movie on its own. I don't think any more Batman movies are coming too soon after "Batman and Robin."
- Phenomenon (1996) - Why anyone would like this movie, I'll never know. It's actually not that terrible until you get to the ending(s). I think the writers had about 5 ideas for endings to this movie, and when they couldn't decide, they said, "Hey, let's use them all!" Craptacular.
- Nothing But Trouble (1991) - I was looking through Blockbuster and saw this movie, starring Chevy Chase, Demi Moore, John Candy, and Dan Aykroyd. "Wow!" I thought, "How could this movie possibly be bad?" How wrong I was. This is probably my least favorite movie. The acting is terrible, the scenery and make-up made me want to vomit, the plot is morbid but goofy and very unintelligent. Avoid at all costs.
- Clockwatchers (1997) - This is hands-down, the most boring movie I've ever seen. Why would anyone want to see this unfunny "satire" of office work? The main characters in this movie are the average working women. Very little happens to them throughout the course of the movie. If they all died, I couldn't care less. I've heard it called a brilliantly subtle satire. Gimme a break. If this kinda stuff was so subtly hilarious, why not make a documentary of John or Jane Doe and call it a comedy? BECAUSE IT'S NOT FUNNY.
- Runaway Bride (1999) - This "feel-good" movie made me feel sick. I could go into ALLLL the reasons why I don't like this movie, but for space considerations, I'll just give you a small sampling. Here is a girl who has run away from 3 different guys at the altar because she changes her mind last-minute. Here is a guy who, desperate for his deadline, decides to write a story based on the ramblings of a drunkard (what a reliable source!). Then when he gets fired for printing the untruthful story (why didn't USA Today check the facts?), he goes to the girl's hometown to harass her, and she harasses him back in "cute", "silly" ways. I felt absolutely no sympathy for these characters - in fact, I hated them. And then they hate each other for a while, and then they fall in love. I knew it was inevitable, but the movie gives absolutely no reason for it. Alright, that's it - maybe I'll continue in a discussion (with spoilers).
Keep in mind I'm not taking into account my expectations - these are just the movies that have given me the most unpleasant experience possible. Maybe later I'll make a "most overrated movies" list.