Quotes from Movies I Saw in 2008

Wadsworth: Ours is not to reason why, ours is but to do or die.
Professor Plum: Die?
Wadsworth: Merely quoting, sir, from Alfred Lord Tennyson.
Colonel Mustard: I prefer Kipling, myself. "The female of the species is more deadly than the male." [to Miss Scarlet]
Colonel Mustard: Do you like Kipling, Miss Scarlet? [he offers her a tray]
Miss Scarlet: [takes food off the tray] Sure, I'll eat anything.

Crazy Woman: Did you know that the germs can come through the wires? I never call and *never* answer. It's a good way to get sick. Very, very sick... That's how I got so sick! SOMEONE CALLED ME ON THE TELEPHONE!

Quigley: You'll have to excuse me, I'm new here, so I ain't rightly certain: is everyone in this country as butt-ugly as you three?

Carly Jones: [Carly hears a noise outside the tent] Wade, wake up. Wade! I heard something.
Wade: Yeah, it's probably the serial killers or something.

Dude.

Lili Von Shtupp: [singing] Here I stand, the goddess of desire / Set men on fire / I have this power. / Morning, noon, and night, it's dwink and dancing / Some quick womancing / And then a shower. / Stage door Johnnies constantly suwwound me / They always hound me, with one wequest. / Who can satisfy their lustful habits? / I'm not a wabbit. / I need some we...
[Takes a breath]
... est.

Mason: I startle easily.

Judith Merrick: So now you know.
Dan Merrick: You're insane!

Jack Foley: You'd be surprised about what you can get, if you ask for it the right way.

Desmond: Mansions with their own mental wards. Only in fucking L.A.

Callie Cassidy: Why does everyone always want to go down in the basement without a flashlight?

Callie Cassidy: Well, would you care to walk around in the scene with your schlong hanging out? Only in your case, darling, it would be a *schlort*.

Josh: This is what I love about my job. I get to travel, see the world, meet new cultures. I mean, it's all bacterial, but, hey, what the fuck?

Mrs Ewing Perryman: She was like a...silly fainting virgin, and Jason kept her on a pedestal, which is a damn silly place for a man to put a woman. Makes it that much easier for her to kick his teeth down his throat.

Will Graham: I know that I'm not smarter than you.
Doctor Hannibal Lecktor: Then how did you catch me?
Will Graham: You had disadvantages.
Doctor Hannibal Lecktor: What disadvantages?
Will Graham: You're insane.

Daisy Duke: You know what's gonna happen. They're gonna get caught and get thrown in jail. Then I'm gonna have to shake my ass at somebody to get them out.
Uncle Jesse: That's why we love ya, honey.

Mrs. Penny: Kevin, don't eat with your face.
Kevin Penny: Mom, we're in a hurry so we can go bowling with Anthony.
Eddie Beckner: And then to the movies.
Mrs. Penny: What movie?
Eddie Beckner: Garden Tool Massacre, it's your basic slice and dice.
Mrs. Penny: Your basic what?
Eddie Beckner: Well this guy in a hockey mask, he chops up a few teenagers, but don't worry, there's no sex or anything bad.
Mrs. Penny: They won't let you kids into a movie like that.
Eddie Beckner: No problem, my brother's an usher.
Mrs. Penny: No. Absolutely not.

Nicholai: But I'm meant to live!
Demon mermaids: (*nom nom nom*) Not so much.

Captain Waxman: Oh, it's agent Kressler. It's a PO named Webley. It's patrol officers from Kimble's murder who said you acted in an insensitive manner. It's a Goddamn Greek chorus of folks, Jerry. There are complaints of excessive drinking, language unbecoming an officer, physical intimidation and kidnapping.
Jerry Beck: I didn't kidnap anyone.
Captain Waxman: Aw, that's a beautiful rebuttal considering the list of charges.

Shawn: The tour is leaving right now, it's only $40 each.
Ben: $40?
Marcus: Can you spot me the money?
Ben: You don't have any cash?
Marcus: No, I'm just not paying for this bullshit.

Ben: Come on, this is gonna be fun.
Marcus: About as fun as crabs.
Ben: You would know.
Marcus: Screw that waitress from Fezzywigs, man.
Ben: You did.
Marcus: I didn't know she had bugs in her bush!
Ben: She was scratching herself all night! What do you mean you didn't know? You can't hook up with itchy chicks, Marcus. Everyone knows that.
Marcus: She said it was a reaction to her fabric softener. I saw it, I asked.
Ben: Fabric softener!
Marcus: Look at you Mister Bigshot. Everyone knows that. When's the last time you got laid?
Ben: ...I have sex all the time...
Marcus: Shut up.

Jenna: By the way? Your "woo" is so not in the moment.
Misty: Yeah? Well, your nipples are dumb.

Dave: [looking at Playboy] God bless her mom and dad.

Betsy: I think we should both stay here.
Tracy: Well Betsy, that's the difference between you and me. You're content to sit behind, and I'm not. I like to know what's going on. I'll see you in a little while.
Audience: Tcha! As a severed head, maybe!

Bruce Conrad: I'm a collector of...trifles, from other people's houses.