New Songs That Never Should Have Been
Submitted by lbangs on Fri, 11/16/2001 - 08:32
Tags:
- Staind - It's Been Awhile: Godawful, repetitive song with an annoying whine where a hook should be. It's amazing the crap people will buy if they hear it on a local Edge clone 50,000 times. I propose a new slogan, "Modern Rock - The Hair Metal of The New Millennium." Replace "Modern Rock" with "Post Grunge" as necessary...
- Anything by Avril Lavigne: Q: If I sing watered-down Faith Hill songs with horrid lyrics, but I am a 17-year-old self-proclaimed punk, does this make me cool? A: Sadly, no. It doesn't even make you complicated. It just makes you Avril Lavigne.
- Michelle Branch - All You Wanted: What I want? For you to stop whining and write a decent song. Man, this latest batch of female songwriters reeks to high heaven, especially compared to Liz Phair, PJ Harvey, and Mary Lou Lord from just a few years ago. Sign of hope: Vanessa Carlton.
- Nelly - Hot In Herre: Nelly seems determined to do for rap what blink-182 did for punk. Thanks alot.
- P. Diddy & Ginuwine - I Need A Girl (Part Two): Part 2? Well, at least Puff Daddy is only ripping off his own songs nowadays, when he isn't trying in vain to convince us he invented the remix.
- Chad Kroeger & Josey Scott - Hero: My God, I thought I'd never say this, but I really hope Nickelback doesn't break up. Chad's solo career would be even worse; he seems to have stuck a straw into Pearl Jam's Ten and to have sucked every bit of life from the recording. Apparently, the boil on the butt of radio that is Modern Rock loves this pus. Another piece of crap flung from the horrid, hideous Spider-Man soundtrack, which also gave us the incredibly awful What We're All About, by Sum 41.
Author Comments:
This will be a running list - I'll add terrible songs as I hear them or as they occur to me. By new, I mean songs from 2000 on...
Don't tell me you haven't heard Mario's remake of Just a Friend. I thought it was mildly amusing as a horribly (on purpose) sung anti-ballad by Bethoven wig-wearing Biz Markie. Singing the song correctly totally destroys the whole point of the song in the first place. And how low are you when you're ripping off Biz Markie?
I haven't heard the remake yet. Does he really sing it straight-faced? Maybe I'm glad to have missed it, but now I'm curious...
Shalom, y'all!
L. "Musical Rubber-Necker" Bangs