A List of all Possible Movie Cliches
Submitted by Merlin on Fri, 07/22/2005 - 11:16
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- "When you enjoy something, you must never let logic get too much in the way. Like the villains in all the James Bond movies. Whenever Bond breaks into the complex: 'Ah, Mr. Bond, welcome, come in. Let me show you my entire evil plan and then put you in a death machine that doesn't work'." - Jerry Seinfeld, "Sein Language"
- Large, loft-style apartments in New York City overlooking Central Park are well within the price range of most people - whether they are employed or not.
- At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil
- Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut - you will always choose the right one.(Unless you are a secondary character of course, in which case, you'll choose the wrong one) [thanks heyrocker:)]
- Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
- It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
- If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
- When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
- Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
- Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
- During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit astrip club at least once.
- All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to thearmpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
- All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread
- It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
- Once applied, lipstick will never rub off-even while scuba diving.
- You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
- Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer,it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.(It used to be an English accent for the German.)
- The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
- A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
- If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.(or the galss will be broken sooner in some other manner)
- If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing clothes.
- Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.
- Even when driving down a perfectly straight road,it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
- All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
- If you decide to start dancing in the street,everyone you meet will know all the steps.
- Police departments give their officers personality tests to makesure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
- When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speakto each other in English.
- A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
- Radiation causes interesting mutations - not to your future children but to you, right there and then.
- It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
- Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste by their actions.
- Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds-unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
- In school, teachers will always be interrupted mid-sentence by the end-of-class bell.
- The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
- If a killer is lurking in you house, it's easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath - even if it's the middle of the afternoon - then look in your bathroom mirror and he will suddenly appear behind you.
- If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St.Patrick's Day parade -at any time of the year.
- The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty. And you will never ever fall down.
- When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill -just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
- Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night,you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
- A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of Wembley Stadium.
- If you wear glasses and something unbelievable happens, it is always nessasary to take off your glasses so you can see the event more clearly.
- If you are a hacker, expert or novice, and you break into a computer system you must say "Were in!" or "I'm in!" very enthusiastically and as if you've never broke into one before.
- You can always guess a password on a high security system by the fifth attempt - the password is always displayed to the screen, always in really big letters so everyone around can see you type it in.
- Whenever there is a huge explosion and/or fire, running away, and falling onto the ground (in slow motion with at least six different camera angles showing the same shot several times) will only give you slight soot marks to the face. (If you're the Star, and not the unfortunate Red Shirt)
- Lab reports take minutes instead of weeks.
- Heavy smokers (esp. Police guys) can run like the wind yet never get tired or out of breath.
- It doesn't matter that there is no medium to conduct sound in the vacuum of space - spacecraft whizzing by, lasers going off, and large explosions will still produce sound.
- Even the most junior of millitary personnel have absolute knowledge of all defensive and offensive tactics.
- You'll never run out of ammo, no matter how big or small your gun is, unless you're the villan or one of the henchmen or you've got your family or sweetheart to rescue from the villan.
- If you are a henchman, it is mandatory for you to wave yor hands and shout "AAAHHH" after you've been shot. And in case you're the hero, all you have to do is grunt and start breathing heavily.
- _
- If you're involved in a car chase, nothing ever will happen to your car apart from a few minor scratches, even if it happens to be the good ol' Bentley '63. And you will never run out of fuel unless you're the hapless teenager who's got an axe murderer right behind you or the escaped convict.
- The No Sweat Law - If you're ever involved in a heavy fight, a run chase, climbing, or any other work that demands heavy physical activity, you are never going to sweat. Never. Unless of course you are deemed to be eye candy ( a la the Rock) for teeny girls.
- In case a psycho decides to murder a whole bunch of teenagers, instead of using simple and easy to use techniques and tools like pistols, guns or plain poison, he will always use an axe. And will obviously wear heavy black coat and a hood, even in blazing summer (I particularly enjoyed Scary Movie because it satirises this cliche perrfectly)
- If you're involved in a bike/car chase, the traffic (most of it, excepting the unfortunate doomed-to-crash cars) will make way for you, and you will always know the way, even in foreign land. ( Yes, I'm talking to you The Matrix : Reloaded )
- If you are involved in a car chase (*Merlin put up hands to defend against incoming blows, resulting out of sheer impatience listening about 'car chase' sequences*), although the car might get slight (or worse) damage, you will be unscathed and safe... despite the fact that you aren't wearing the seat belt. The probablity of this occuring is directly proportional to the length of the car chase.
- The star detective is fired when he is about to get the big break. Or is killed, in case he happens to be a secondary character.The probablity of this is directly proportional to the closeness of the detective to cracking the case and his maverickness.
- In case a sniper decides to kill a character he is forced to kill, he'll always miss him/her, and the whole sequence, in case a shot is fired, will be in extreme slow motion bullet time.
- Should a bunch of teenagers decide to go on a vacation to a mansion, it will be definitely haunted, and they will be killed from least likeable to, most likeable, until the main protagonist finds out the 'ghost' and kills it.
- A car will stop with a screeching sound, even if it's going at 10 kmph.
- The very moment anyone says "I've got a bad feeling about this..", something bad is bound to happen.
- In case a secret conversation is going on, someone (esp. the one who's not supposed to listen) is bound to hear it.
- All cellphones have the same 'shrill beep'
- ringtone.
- Movie elevators are always ready at that floor. But if the hero/heroine is being chased, elevator won't come.
- If hero OR villian takes an elevator, villain OR hero can beat it by taking stairs, even if the trip is 20 floors.
- Most elevator shafts and wires are clean and dust/grease free, and there's plenty of light so that the hero neither gets dirty nor needs a flashlight or some other equipment to see (Speed).
- When one character is pursuing another (good guy after bad or vice versa) and they reach the elevator just before it closes, they never stick their hand in the door so it will automatically open back up, nor do they press the call button to get the door to open.
- Storms start instantaneously: there's a crack of thunder and lightning, then heavy rain starts falling.
- Heavy rain causes no loss of long-distance visibility.
- At some point in a duel, the hero and villain will cross swords at face level, allowing them to grip each other's weapon while making nasty/sarcastic comments before they break the clinch and continue fighting. (Why doesn't anyone just ram the sword into the other's asses and bloody finish the fight?!)
- People can be rendered inoperative by bumping them on the head. Beware, though; after you have left the scene, this person will regain consciousness and be more determinted to attack you.
- Clasping your hands together and hitting the bad guy's back will also guarantee unconsciousness
- All fights taking place on the edge of a canyon, tall building, or other high place require at least one bad guy to get plugged by a bullet, arrow, or other missile weapon, causing to fall, but keeping him alive enough to hear his scream of terror echo as he plunges to his doom.
- When you are underwater, you never have to worry about running out of oxygen. You can be underwater for half an hour and still emerge scatheless.
- If there is traffic, then that means that the movie is at a more intense part (like a chase scene) in which case there are a lot of cars that crash into each other. None of the important characters get hurt, the accident is never heard on the news, and nobody sues anybody important. Very few people even get out of their cars, and yet, no airbags are to be seen.
- Monitors display huge letters srolling at high speed, always with a 'trrrrreee' sound. I wonder what monitors are they using.
- If the house is silent, you can be sure that the phone will ring.
- No matter how dead you think you've killed a bad guy, he can still get up at least 3 more times. Therefore, always make sure to leave his gun in or near his hand after you've killed him and you turn away to comfort the girl. When a villain seems dead, he never is. He will always be allowed one, and sometimes two resurrections. The hero will frequently see him coming, even if his back is turned. If he doesn't, a friend will finish the villain off (M:I 2 and just about any action film).
- When killing the hero, the villain will suddenly find that his gun has run out of bullets.
Author Comments:
Just passing thoughts and observations on cinema... I'll add more stuff as I catch up on more stuff. Send in any I missed out.
lol very funny, it's funny because it's true :)
:) thanks!
There should be a corrolary to number 3 that says "Unless you are a secondary character, in which case you will always choose the wrong one" - see THE SMALL BACK ROOM and JUGGERNAUT
of course! awesome! Thanks :) Can't believe I missed this one out.
Hey, I resent your assertion that The Rock is eye candy for teeny girls. The Rock happens to be eye candy for girls that are quite-a-bit-beyond teeny as well!
Lol I was just making a passing abstract example... I think he's eye candy, teeny or not-so-teeny :)), and oh he can sometimes act too.:)
I actually think that The Rock is eye candy for little boys... or are there many girls watching WWE or going to see The Rundown?
The Rock is eye candy. :P. Period.
hahahaha
Actually, I have come across girls who see WWE just to check out the pupmed up jocks. Ew.
From the French Connection (1971):
Drug dealers always open a kilo of cocaine or heroin with a switchblade and take a taste of it with their fingertip.
Detectives working in pairs interrogate suspects using the good cop/bad cop strategy.
In the big car chase, Popeye Doyle survives a number of collisions without any injury to himself, despite big damage to the car, and he's not wearing a seatbelt.
Popeye Doyle is the maverick detective who gets taken off the case just before he gets a big break.
re: Popeye Doyle is the maverick detective who gets taken off the case just before he gets a big break
In the big car chase, Popeye Doyle survives a number of collisions without any injury to himself, despite big damage to the car, and he's not wearing a seatbelt.
I think these apply to many films at a large. (*scratches head to remember names*). Am adding!
I can't exactly get what you meant by The Good Cop/Bad Cop Strategy. Do you mean something like Men In Black where one guy is the strict obidient law following guy and the other the trigger-happy impatient one?
As for the first one, I am yet to come across any other film where it is applcable. Hilarious btw!!!:-D
They do good cop/bad cop on NYPD Blue all the time. When interrogating a suspect, each cop plays a role. The good cop is relatively kind and friendly to the suspect, building his trust, while the bad cop bullies the suspect, threatening and intimidating him. The hoped-for effect is that the suspect will confide secrets to the good cop in order to avoid ill-treatment from the bad cop.
Since NYPD Blue is TV I don't think I can put it under a movie list... I don't think this tactic has been excessively used in movies...I may be wrong...maybe I am yet to see ones that employ this ploy (if you'll excuse the pun...)
Yes, it's confirmation from TV and not from Movies but in the dubious german slow-paced Inspector Derrick's series, you were sure of briefly seeing a naked pair of women's breasts once every two episodes because their investigations invariably led the detectives to Munchen's red district with the strip clubs and the prostitutes...
#10... already there:) It happens in movies too :-S... sick :-S...
"All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to thearmpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her."
never caught that but it's so true... kudos for picking up on that or to whoever pointed it out to you.
Actaully I caught it when I saw the many of the Pierece Brosnan James Bond flicks... thanks!
LOL this list is great! I really liked "During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit astrip club at least once." :P
=) Gald ya liked it. Wow it has been ages since I saw or updated this relic list of mine. And wow.. I have been away for the longest amount of time..
I have to say, this is one of my very favorite lists on the entire site of listology. Compiling something like this must've taken some serious observation. I don't think I could've thought of all these myself--no way.
I have to agree with AfterHours. I just read the entire list, and laughed whole heartedly until it hurt.
And oh yes, it still hurts. Quite a bit. :)
This list is precious.
Squee! Thanks!
:) Why thank you!
I just read it again, for the fun of it, and i laughed twice as hard, it's pure gold! You should definitely try and be morte active on listology if you can, would like to see some more quality lists from ya :P
:) Thanks! I try but...
Hilarious! One of the most ridiculous scenes I've seen is when Lara Croft is attacked by a shark underwater and punches the shark which leaves the shark stunned and terrified of her! Ofcourse this is after she has held her breath for a good 2 minutes while swimming.
And, when killing the hero, the villain will suddenly find that his gun has run out of bullets. This is a really overused scene.
Thanks! *+adds*
"If he doesn't, a friend will finish the villain off"
So true, Rush Hour 3!
haha nice work =)HILARIOUS!!!