Fast money, baby.
Submitted by sirilyan on Tue, 02/20/2001 - 09:12
Tags:
- Armor supplier to the Empire. As we have seen in the original Star Wars trilogy, Stormtrooper uniforms not only come in only one color, but also in only one size. This lends itself to automation, which really cuts those pesky labor costs. A good opportunity to make big credit$ if you can snag the government contract. Use the Dark Side of the Force to make the middle managers at the Imperial Navy's procurement office write a RFP that favors you.
- Munitions manufacturing in the Matrix. It is true that you will really be living in a vat as a slave to inhuman technology, but within your programmatic delusion, you'll be richer than Croesus! All those people need guns, and all those guns need bullets, and you could be the source. Downside: whether it's .38 caliber or .44 caliber, all the bullets taste like chicken.
- Gambling on the day after Groundhog Day. If you're stuck living the same day over and over and over again, memorize a few things. A few well-placed bets in Vegas and not only will you boink Andie MacDowell, but you'll make a killing when you beat the spread!
- Taking out life insurance policies on Elm Street, at Crystal Lake, or anywhere Neve Campbell appears. Pretty self-explanatory, I should think.
- Play the stock market. Any large corporation that may just possibly be involved in evil, or is affiliated with any government agency in any way, is a good candidate for selling short. Watch for evil signs like names ending in X or R, senior executives who do not take junior-high children or warmhearted and idealistic researchers seriously or desire for profits. After the company is destroyed by the bad publicity that comes from its evil scheme being foiled and revealed, you will pick up the stock for a song.
- Or just stick with the most tried-and-true of the blue chips: Acme (VSE:ACME)! Undoubtedly the greatest consumer products corporation in the universe. Whether it's Bat-Man Genuine Flying Suits, rocket skates, round black bombs with the word "BOMB" painted on them, or anvils, Acme sells it and includes free delivery anywhere in the country, even Arizona and/or New Mexico. Alternately, file class action lawsuits on behalf of every unfortunate victim of premature dynamite, catapults that don't launch until you begin jumping on them, and glue guns that explode in your face.
Author Comments:
If only movies were real, you could make some big money, man... some real big money. And this is how. (Note: Anyone who succeeds in breaking the interdimensional barrier that exists between the real world and the movies can use any of these schemes. I ask only a nominal finder's fee and a mere 15% royalty.)
This list is going on my list of The Funniest Lists in The Listology.
All the bullets would actually taste like we think Tasty Wheat is supposed to taste, Siril. ;)
--guess who
This is the funniest list I have read in many a moon. Great job, and thanks!
Shalom, y'all!
L. Bangs