Coolest Bible Verses
Submitted by lukeprog on Mon, 07/26/2004 - 09:29
Tags:
- John 3:16 - "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." - Phew. Thank goodness!
- 1 Corinthians 7:5 - "Do not deprive each other [of sex] except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." - See, honey? It says right here your headache doesn't matter...
- Judges 15:14b-15 - "The Spirit of the LORD came upon [Samson] in power. The ropes on his arms became like charred flax, and the bindings dropped from his hands. Finding a fresh jawbone of a donkey, he grabbed it and struck down a thousand men." - Coming soon to a theater near you: Mel Gibson is... Samson! Crack! Crack! Ooomph! Crunch! Crack! Spurt!
- Galatians 5:14 - "The entire law is summed up in a single command: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" - Oh. Well that's much easier.
- Ezekiel 23:20-21 - "There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. So you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled." - The Bible is no kids book!
- Numbers 16:32 - "...and the earth opened its mouth and swallowed them, with their households and all Korah's men and all their possessions." - Oooooh... neato. Do that again!
- Genesis 16:1-2a - "Now Sarai, Abram's wife, had borne him no children. But she had an Egyptian maidservant named Hagar, so she said... 'Go, sleep with my maidservant...'" - Best. Wife. Ever.
- Genesis 17:24a - "Abraham was ninety-nine years old when he was circumcised..." - Oh, damn! Ouch! I can't imagine... ouch! Damn!
- Songs of Solomon 7:7-9 - "Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of its fruit. May your breasts be like the clusters of the vine, the fragrance of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine." - Solomon writes corny love poems to get laid, too - even with a thousand concubines at his command!
- Job 3:2 - "He said:" - The actual shortest verse in the Bible, not John 11:35 ("Jesus wept."), as commonly held. Close companions include Nehemiah 7:10 ("of Arah 652") and 7:20 ("of Adin 655"). "Jesus wept" is the shortest verse in the KJV, but the KJV is crap.
Author Comments:
More to come as I remember/read them.
Song of Solomon 4:11 - "Thy lips, O my spouse, drop as the honeycomb: honey and milk are under thy tongue; and the smell of thy garments is like the smell of Lebanon." - French-kissing: endorsed by the Bible.
Oh, yes. The Bible endorses any kind of romance and sex between spouses... personally, I don't find that terribly exciting or 'cool,' just expected.
Proverbs, 5.3 - "For the lips of a strange woman drop as a honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil: but her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword." - Be not unchaste or else: "Wormwood, Wormwood"-Hamlet
This is a blasphemously fun list! I love it!
Thanks. Don't worry, more to come!
Re: Genesis 17:24a
Nah, I bet by that age, he was so old and wrinkled, he could barely even feel it.
That invites some rather vivid imagery. Must... not... picture... it...
If you wrote the post, you probably already did :-)
Roman 2:14
When the gentiles do by their nature, the things found in the law, they are a law unto themselves.
in other words, when you naturaly obay the law...you are the law