Captain's Honors 2007

The best movies of 2007 were mostly dark or bleak; even one of the warmest, Waitress, was marred by the murder of its writer/director/co-star Adrienne Shelley. But joy was still had: This was a great year for movies.

The Best Movies of 2007

No Country for Old Men, almost without doubt the year's best film, was the Coen brothers' first masterpiece, a terrifying pessimistic statement about "this ever-changing world in which we live in," to borrow from Paul McCartney. Javier Bardem gave the year's best, most brutal performance as the ruthless killer Anton Chigurh, easily the most frightening cinematic villain since Anthony Hopkins slithered his way into the minds of audiences as Hannibal Lecter back in 1991. Josh Brolin and Tommy Lee Jones both also give sterling performances as the movie's greedy redneck lead and its weary moralistic anchor of a sheriff, respectively. Even more so than in 1996's remarkable Fargo, the Coens get under our skins and reflect back to us what we really look like: Fools playing at being men.

The year's most unheralded achievement was Grindhouse, Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez's blood-soaked, cheese-laden ode to trashy pulp cinema. Sure, it was met with overwhelmingly positive reviews when it arrived in April, but audiences couldn't sit still for its four-hour running time, and when it was broken in two as the features Planet Terror and Death Proof on DVD, the critics seemed hard-pressed to care. I still wish Grindhouse in its gloriously gory mammoth entirety had been released on DVD as well (I've heard wind it'll hit next year), as it's a full-bodied moviegoing experience the like of which can never be replicated, especially those delicious faux trailers cooked up by Rob Zombie, Edgar Wright, and Eli Roth. But the two features themselves are still worth it. Rodriguez's Planet Terror may be brilliant trash, but it's Tarantino's Death Proof that goes above and beyond the call of duty to become yet another of the pop auteur's cult classics; it's chock full of girl talk which put many a moviegoer to sleep, but to this here Captain, it was completely engrossing from start to finish. Speaking of finish: Wait'll you see that car chase. Damn.

Wes Anderson movies are always a thing of preference; I think the only generally beloved flicks the guy's made have been Rushmore and The Royal Tenenbaums, and though those are indeed his two greatest achievements, The Darjeeling Limited fits in nicely at third. I was one of the few who loved his last effort, 2004's The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, but even I'll admit that The Darjeeling Limited makes it look bad upon comparison and restores Anderson's position as one of the most refreshing voices of the last ten years or so. It seems that not everyone agrees with me here, but I personally can't believe that more people haven't cottoned to its warm, bright colors; its subtly ironic performances from leads Owen Wilson, Adrien Brody, and Jason Schwartzman that elevate themselves from Anderson's stock quirk by being deeply heartfelt and emotional; its irresistible soundtrack; and its maturation of almost every single one of Anderson's past themes. Plus, y'know, it's funny.

Tim Burton's latest, on the other hand, was received just as warmly as it deserved to be. Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, a big screen adaptation of Stephen Sondheim's enduring 1979 stage musical (of which I confess complete ignorance, except for that bit at the end of Jersey Girl), is yet another film where Burton collaborates with his freakish weirdo muse Johnny Depp. I've always been of two minds about Burton: On the one hand, he's an undeniable visual maestro, creating some of the most distinct and oddly beautiful pictures of the last 20-some years...but on the other, it seems that at times the man simply doesn't know what human feeling is. He tried hard with 2003's smug and narcissistic Big Fish, and got things right in painting a lovely off-kilter tribute to Roald Dahl with 2005's gleefully bizarre Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. But it's with Sweeney Todd that Burton and Depp deliver their best collaborative work, not to mention the single best film either of them have ever done individually. It is, of course, beautiful and terrifying to look at, but it's also entirely heartfelt and powerful. It sings and soars and slashes its way near the top of 2007's heap. God, that's good.

Runners-up for the year's best, just to show it's not all doom and gloom up in here:

Juno, a movie that initially pissed me off because I thought it was the next "quirky" indie fave ala Little Miss Sunshine, only to have it drag me kicking and screaming into its warmly bizarre embrace to the point that I was in tears by the end; Ratatouille was another feather in Pixar's cap, and Brad Bird's beautiful rumination on curbing one's creative impulses to fit consumer demand (you think it's coincidence that this Disney-distributed flick is about a hapless guy being controlled by a brilliant rat in the kitchen?); and Sicko saw Michael Moore tone down his rage slightly but not enough so that he's not still the most provocative documentarian in America.

There were plenty of other great movies this year, too, but unfortunately, there are a lot I haven't seen. I'm not a professional critic who gets paid to watch all the stuff that gets pumped out, just some guy without a whole lotta money who sees 'em when he can (which is way more often than the Average Joe, I'll give myself that). There are plenty of awards contenders I still want to get around to, like The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, Charlie Wilson's War, Away from Her, Atonement, Into the Wild, Once, The King of Kong, Lake of Fire, The Savages, etc., etc. Not to mention all of those awesome foreign movies that didn't even make their way around here. (Indeed, I have only seen one '07 foreign flick, the marvelous Edith Piaf biopic La Môme [out in the U.S. as La Vie en Rose].)

And now, a few more honors from da Cap'n:

The Most Pleasant Surprise of 2007

Okay, picture this: Steve Carell stars as a widower who writes an advice column and who is raising three daughters all by his lonesome. While away at his parents' home with his siblings, along with their spouses and offspring, he hops on down to the local bookstore and meets the beautiful and charming Juliette Binoche. The two instantly hit it off and have a long conversation before she says she has to get back to her boyfriend, but that this doesn't mean their conversation has to end. Carell gets back to his parents'...only to find that Binoche is dating his beloved brother Dane Cook. What follows are life lessons, alternatingly cozy and anarchic family sitdowns, and sweet sweet love. On paper, Dan in Real Life is 100% ick. But onscreen, it's not. The script is so honest and real, the characters so honest and real, the performances so painfully honest and so painfully real that it's a joy to behold. Carell, Binoche, and (amazingly) Cook all give lovely performances, and this is one movie I want to buy as soon as it hits disc.

The Most Devastating Disappointment of 2007

Without a doubt, this title goes to Spider-Man 3. By now you've heard the endless bitching from comic geeks, general moviegoers, and critics alike, but let me preface the impending bitch rant with this: I like Spider-Man 3. I think it's enjoyable for what it is, and if it were on sale, I wouldn't mind picking up the DVD. But being merely enjoyable for what it is and a nice purchase you'd pull out on rainy days just is not enough for what this should be. The first Spider-Man in 2002 made my little comic book geek heart explode with joy, as I'd waited forever and was not at all disappointed with Sam Raimi's faithful interpretation of the world I'd imagined inhabiting ever since I could read, and 2004's Spider-Man 2 even made that pale in comparison. Spider-Man 3 should've been the best comic book movie ever made, not to mention 2007's best film hands down. The pressure applied by obsessive fans such as myself was enough to make Raimi's mighty shoulders crumble...it's just that no one expected them to. The movie throws three villains at us, and while the results are a far cry from the disaster of Batman & Robin's similar multi-villainy, the lack of focus robs us of a truly meaningful New Goblin; a nuanced Sandman (though his segments are just about what I wanted); and most painfully of all, he who should've been the scariest and most deranged villain ever to grace the silver screen: Venom. Instead, the likeable Topher Grace was miscast as the photographer who gets transformed into an egomaniacal monster and was onscreen as said monster for like ten minutes. Don't even get me started on Emo Peter Parker and his Spiderday Night Fever shenanigans. What's so sad is that the movie has so many great moments you can feel the masterpiece lurking within. It's just covered in a lot of the decent and unremarkable. Let's hope next year's The Dark Knight fares a little better.

The Most Overrated Flick of 2007

It's either American Gangster or Before the Devil Knows You're Dead, but in both cases, these are movies with great casts made by great directors which simply fail to strike a spark or do anything even close to what you know these people are capable of. American Gangster is your average Oscar bait, with lots of flashy performances (nice job, Denzel, playing the exact same character you've played in every other movie you've ever made) and visuals, yet it's mostly dull and without much spirit. The exception is Russell Crowe as a cop who's too honorable for his own damn good. Before the Devil Knows You're Dead is a muddled crime drama with spotty editing and some embarrassingly amateurish patches from the 82-year-old master Sidney Lumet. The exception is Phillip Seymour Hoffman as a businessman who's too needy for his own damn good.

2007's Best Threequel

You already saw what I said about Spider-Man 3 above, and Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End was a similarly fun yet disappointing romp with Jack Sparrow and friends (I'm still the reigning captain here, me hearties). The less said about Shrek the Third and Rush Hour 3, the better. That leaves the top prize for the smart, jagged The Bourne Ultimatum, the best and most intense of the Jason Bourne thrillers starring Matt Damon. It's another twisty, exhilarating popcorn flick that succeeds in leaving you with more than just the buttery residue at the bottom of the bag.

The Joss Whedon Award for Freshest Voice

As far as I'm concerned, no one has a cinematic voice as fresh or as consistently engaging than Joss Whedon (I'm counting both his amazing TV series and his one beautiful film, Serenity); being that he's my favorite creative person of all time, I've decided to devote this award to him.

The voice of debut screenwriter Diablo Cody in the aforementioned Juno can occasionally sound overly precious, but it's also fresh and unique. It's distinctly distinct, if you get my drift. At times I was reminded of Veronica Mars creator Rob Thomas' bitingly witty edge at its very best (basically, anything that's not season 3 of that show), which is a very good thing indeed. Cody (whose real name is Brook Busey-Hunt) was a stripper who penned a blog about her exploits before writing the memoir Candy Girl: A Year in the Life of an Unlikely Stripper and becoming something of a journalist, writing for several publications. She recently joined Entertainment Weekly as one of its several back page columnists, and has some very interesting projects coming up: The Showtime sitcom The United States of Tara starring Toni Collette as a woman with multiple personality disorder, based on an idea by Steven Spielberg; a horror-comedy called Jennifer's Body starring Megan Fox which is set to begin filming soon; and Girly Style, the feminine response to Superbad. She's definitely one to watch.

The Worst Movie of 2007

"My dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join together this wildly inconsistent movie star and this schlubby TV star in funny matrimony. Into this unholy estate these two actors present now come to be joined. If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together...well, shut up, they don't care, they're gonna make a lot of quick cash with this. Do you, Adam Sandler, take Kevin James to be your lawfully wedded doofus? In success and obscene ticket prices, for better, for worse, for richer, for...well, richer?"

"I do."

"Do you, Kevin James, take Adam Sandler to be your lawfully wedded straight--and that's a double entendre, don'tcha know--man? In #1 box office sales and the hearts of all the juvenile man-babies who thought Knocked Up was too smart, for better, for worse, for richer, for...well, okay, I know it's getting redundant at this point, but, well...richer?"

"I do."

"I now pronounce you dumb and offensive. You may kiss your sorry asses all the way to the bank."

Runner-up:

Transformers, for shockingly being worse than anything else Michael Bay has already ruined.

--12/26/07
P.S.: I may update this as I see more, I may just let it be a time capsule. This is my first year doing this, and I don't yet know.